Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The JohnnyB Is Sick
The O&O came home yesterday at 2:30pm, storming into the house, declaring: "I am sick".
A very frightening statement.
Not quite due to my sincere concern for his health and well-being (well, yeah, there's that too...), but mostly because men simply don't know how to be gracefully sick.
. . . Uhm, excuse me for a second.
. . . . To the gender-sensitive reader: now might be a good time to switch to another, more PC Blog.
OK, now that I am left with the rest of you, we can continue:
Where were we? ...Ah, yes - Men and sickness.
They get an itch in their nose, a slight headache and burning eyes - and the whole world and his wife (especially his wife) is expected to stand to attention, stop its revolving around the sun, and make them tea until further notice.
Getting the slightest cold makes men act as if they suddenly became mute quadriplegics.
They wear this sad puppy expression on their faces, they point at what they want (They do not ask. They point, like a one-year old, only not as adorable), and they stay confined to their chair, making sure to look very, very gloomy and introvert, except for occasional blurts about how miserable they are, accompanied by reprimanding looks.
I shall never forget the time that John was having a cold, and I was running around making him tea, taking away the empty soup bowl, bringing another blanket and fetching his book, not-that-one-the-other-one-NO-I-actually-feel-Too-Bad-To-Read-CAN'T-YOU-SEE-I-AM-SICK!?.
As I was doing all that simultaneously, he was sitting in his armchair, looking very meditative, and after a long consideration, mused: "You know, it really hurts when I move my left foot like this".
...All I can say is that my immediate response, "So don't move it like that!" was not highly appreciated...
I can see you now, looking at these lines with reproof, vehemently asking yourself,
"What kind of a wife is she? Can she find no empathy in her for her poor suffering husband?? Doesn't she care??? What's wrong with these foreigners????".
Ah - but let me tell you this:
During my first year here, I used to get sick like I never did before in my life.
You know those 24-hour flues? Well, I used to wallow in them for 24-days. Must have had something to do with the currency conversion.
I truly felt as if I came to some third-world country, a no man's land, infested with viruses the size of Minnesota mosquitoes that possess the aggressiveness of JC Penny shoppers on the day after Thanksgiving.
One evening, an unforgettable evening, on the second week of one of those everlasting flues, I was laying shivering in bed with severe coughing and a terribly sore throat, getting to the point of having about 3% blood in the tea that was flowing in my veins.
The O&O came home from work, to find the yellowish zombie, that once used to be his lovely wife, crawling to the kitchen to make herself yet another cup of tea - - -
(and now the soft-hearted people among you think:
"Awwwwwww, he probably carried you back to bed in his strong protecting arms, and made you a cup of tea right then and there, Ohhhhhh, that sweet, sweet man! Eize Hammmmud!!!").
Nope.
Instead, he stepped over me, settled comfortably in his chair, and asked for a cup of tea (YES YOU DID!).
While sipping, he made the following remark:
"You know, it really is starting to get annoying that you are sick like that all the time".
One day, someone, somewhere, will perhaps invent a word that would capture the state I was in at that moment.
Speechless is such an understatement, ain't it?
Labels: Wonders of The JohnnyB
# posted by Nava @ 9:16 PM 
Comments:
When guy says he's a little sick, it's like a guy cutting off his finger, leaving it dangling by a small piece of skin, and saying he has a small cut.
And as for the stepping over you, Nava, to settle into my comfortable chair... What's the complaint - I didn't step on you...
I don't even know where to start with this. I'll try to be brief, because I don't want you to get all in a tizzy again that I'm blogging from your comments section.
First, I'd like to say to any readers who are looking for a more gender-sensitive blog, you should go check out Me, CherkyB, as I never make fun of gender. This is mainly because gender is a linguistic construct that refers to the masculinity or femininity of words, and the English language has practically no gender to it. I never blog in French or Spanish (though occasionally a little Italian, which is seems none of my readers speak), so gender humor is pretty much absent.
I will do sex-stereotype humor, though. Like the time I accused CJ of liking girl drinks.
Now, as for men and sickness, I think you need to be careful not to extrapolate to all men from the behavior of one JackyB. The man who is proud to have a picture of his butt plastered all over the internet. The man who, when he announced he was getting married, was asked, "To a woman?"
(True story, as all of mine are certified to be, as far as you know (tm). But in the interest of full disclosure, it was me who asked him that. And it wasn't because there was really any doubt. It was just because I have a hard time passing up a humor opportunity.)
Interestingly enough, I think The JackyB responded, "Yes, but she's Isreali." Though looking back on it, I don't remember him ever being that funny. So maybe I filled that response in myself.
Real men don't make their wives bring them lots of tea when they're sick. Real men get their asses up and make giant 22 oz. beer cups of gin and tonic. You can never underestimate the healing power of quinine. Hell, I've never had malaria. Not even once. And even if you don't get miraculously cured, nothing makes you feel better than a good buzz in the afternoon when you should be at work. Next time JackyB gets sick, hand him a bottle of gin and a bottle of tonic water. Then hand him his laptop, cuz maybe it'll help improve his blogging skills as well.
On second thought, with JackyB, you better make it diet tonic water.
You flu story reminds me of the time I left The Mrs. at home with the flu and went bowling (it was league night), then she had the nerve to call me in the middle of the match to have me come home and take her to the hospital. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it if you ask.
From: http://www.demogr.mpg.de/Papers/
Working/WP-1999-009.pdf
Women live longer than men. Indeed, in developed countries today women live 6 years longer than men on average.
I rest my case, but I think it has something to do with life being sucked out of men by.....;-)
# posted by 
: 11/01/2006 10:55 PM
Say, don't you have a blogspot of your own to blog in?
As The JohnnyB claimed:
"I don't understand why CherkyB is wasting good material on your comments space".
By the way, did John really say "Yes, but she's Isreali"????
Makes more sense that he said "Yes, but she's Israeli".
Just a matter of correct pronunciation, you see...
Gal,
You forgot to end your sentence, and we are all waiting with bated breath to learn the identity of this terrible thing that is sucking the life out of men...
The JackyB is just jealous that I don't waste good material on his comment space. He's watching your hit counter scroll faster than his and your comments section grow faster, and he becomes consumed with envy. It's a sickness. Maybe you should make him some tea.
Comment envy, that's my diagnosis.
Perhaps it is time to revert to the gin and tonic.
By the way - you and JohnnyB are a pair of jokers, setting your "Unique visitors" counter to 1 hour - mine is set to 12 hours!
Hence my visitors are much, much more unique!
Your pitiful tale brings back a memory. One time hubby and two kids were in bed with colds at the same time. Momma here was running up and down stairs valiantly (no pun intended)coughing like a bull moose when she had time. In those days doctors did house calls (Yes! Really!! actually put their actual feet in a patient's actual house!!!) Doc looked at the pathetically wilting hubby, and took his temperature. Took a look at valiant wifie, heard her wracking cough, and said to hubby, "Get up, your wife should be in bed, not you; she has bronchitis."
You can imagine my pious smirk as I slid into the nicely warmed bed and asked faintly for a nice cuppa tea, some lightly buttered toast and a magazine.
# posted by : 11/03/2006 6:36 PM
OK, Val - you seem to be joining the forum of bloggers out of my comment space...
And, with yuor writing - you've got to become a Blogger yourself!
Come on, step on board!
John never took a sick day off till he got married. After he got married, he was out sick at least once a month. I think there is more to this than gender correlation.
# posted by : 11/10/2006 1:01 PM
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And as for the stepping over you, Nava, to settle into my comfortable chair... What's the complaint - I didn't step on you...
First, I'd like to say to any readers who are looking for a more gender-sensitive blog, you should go check out Me, CherkyB, as I never make fun of gender. This is mainly because gender is a linguistic construct that refers to the masculinity or femininity of words, and the English language has practically no gender to it. I never blog in French or Spanish (though occasionally a little Italian, which is seems none of my readers speak), so gender humor is pretty much absent.
I will do sex-stereotype humor, though. Like the time I accused CJ of liking girl drinks.
Now, as for men and sickness, I think you need to be careful not to extrapolate to all men from the behavior of one JackyB. The man who is proud to have a picture of his butt plastered all over the internet. The man who, when he announced he was getting married, was asked, "To a woman?"
(True story, as all of mine are certified to be, as far as you know (tm). But in the interest of full disclosure, it was me who asked him that. And it wasn't because there was really any doubt. It was just because I have a hard time passing up a humor opportunity.)
Interestingly enough, I think The JackyB responded, "Yes, but she's Isreali." Though looking back on it, I don't remember him ever being that funny. So maybe I filled that response in myself.
Real men don't make their wives bring them lots of tea when they're sick. Real men get their asses up and make giant 22 oz. beer cups of gin and tonic. You can never underestimate the healing power of quinine. Hell, I've never had malaria. Not even once. And even if you don't get miraculously cured, nothing makes you feel better than a good buzz in the afternoon when you should be at work. Next time JackyB gets sick, hand him a bottle of gin and a bottle of tonic water. Then hand him his laptop, cuz maybe it'll help improve his blogging skills as well.
On second thought, with JackyB, you better make it diet tonic water.
You flu story reminds me of the time I left The Mrs. at home with the flu and went bowling (it was league night), then she had the nerve to call me in the middle of the match to have me come home and take her to the hospital. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it if you ask.
Working/WP-1999-009.pdf
Women live longer than men. Indeed, in developed countries today women live 6 years longer than men on average.
I rest my case, but I think it has something to do with life being sucked out of men by.....;-)
# posted by : 11/01/2006 10:55 PM
: 11/01/2006 10:55 PM As The JohnnyB claimed:
"I don't understand why CherkyB is wasting good material on your comments space".
By the way, did John really say "Yes, but she's Isreali"????
Makes more sense that he said "Yes, but she's Israeli".
Just a matter of correct pronunciation, you see...
You forgot to end your sentence, and we are all waiting with bated breath to learn the identity of this terrible thing that is sucking the life out of men...
Perhaps it is time to revert to the gin and tonic.
By the way - you and JohnnyB are a pair of jokers, setting your "Unique visitors" counter to 1 hour - mine is set to 12 hours!
Hence my visitors are much, much more unique!
You can imagine my pious smirk as I slid into the nicely warmed bed and asked faintly for a nice cuppa tea, some lightly buttered toast and a magazine.
# posted by : 11/03/2006 6:36 PM
: 11/03/2006 6:36 PM And, with yuor writing - you've got to become a Blogger yourself!
Come on, step on board!
# posted by : 11/10/2006 1:01 PM
: 11/10/2006 1:01 PM 
