Tuesday, December 18, 2007
A Little Lunch For Thought (TM) #10
Been down lately. The past week has been really bad.
I plead guilty of letting people get to me, enabling stupid things nibble (with giant bites) at my sleep, and allowing small stuff pile into a huge heap that sits heavily on my chest, making everything seem bleak.
Not quite sure why exactly. Nothing really major happened, just a bunch of unnerving incidents, that individually are insignificant, but when they come in threes or fours (or dozens...), they just become too many. To add to the joy, I suspect all of that is combined with one of those acculturation cycles, that pop for a visit from time to time (apparently even after 5.5 years!), and make me wonder what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here. Might be disillusionment from too many things at once. Might be accented with the upcoming anniversary of the biggest loss in my life, on January 10th - hard to tell.
Happens.
It sucks.
And yet, by now I know that it will go away, and that I need to hit the bottom in order to rise and shine again.
"It all happens for a reason", says my sister over the phone. "These are all lessons, and you will come out of it strengthened and wiser".
I know, I know - but sometimes, I'm a bit tired of paying the tuition fee.
At times like that, it's hard to look up and see the good things. All of a sudden, it feels as if nobody likes you, everything seems to be against you. Hey, even the original version of this post has disappeared as the damned laptop suddenly crashed for no reason other than taking part in the festivities of "let's screw up Nava's week".
And yet, in the midst of it all, yesterday afternoon, a knock on the door. I thought it was the plumber, who was working all day in the freezing air to dig out and replace our main water pipe that was turning part of our front lawn into a luscious swamp.
But - lo and behold, there stood Val, like a Santa Claus who could not find the chimney, bearing a plate with English mince pie (my well-earned tip for bringing her some paper from WackieM).
"So, how is your Christmas season going so far?", she asked The JohnnyB and me, after she got out of my bone-crushing hug. (I was soooooooooo happy to see her!)
"Well, y'know I have a waiver from it all", I replied, trying to fake a faint smile.
"Ahhh - in that case, I have to send you the words of a wonderful song I heard yesterday!", she cheered.
She did (and - THANK YOU, VAL!!!).
Apparently, it was originally performed on South Park, but I found a much more creative video version of it on YouTube:
So, listening to it makes me think: can it be that this is part of the reason for my lopsided (more like upside-down) smile recently?
'cause I admit: I do feel like an outsider these days.
previous little lunch... ...next little lunch
Labels: Holidays, Little Lunch for Thought, Meta Bloggin', Venting
man, there's a whole bunch of us out there in the cold: I mean, like the guy on simple blog writer's post saying "everybody I know is an odd-man out, except me", you know?
I feel for you, nava. Just went through two very lousy months of "what the hell am I here for?" and Merry Season on Command does NOT appeal (nothing on command appeals to me, frankly.)
(oh - I embedded a link to your post in one of my endless Sunday rambles, the one entitled "The Privileges of Freedom" - just mentioning it so you'll know that even while you were feeling way down there, you touched somebody, somewhere.)
best,
Lee
Lee, thank you for reaching out all the way from France! I admit I had to look up the "odd-man out" phrase (which emphasizes me being one, I presume...). Yup, I guess I am not the only one.
I'm flattered to be linked to in that post of yours - especially in the poetic connotation you gave it!!
Nava
Words could never describe how grateful I am to have your Thoughts in the USA. We've never met and are different in many ways...but to me what I celebrate is how much we're alike.
I've lived here my whole life and still wonder what the hell I'm doing.
If it's any consolation, I sat down at the kitchen table and had a good cry yesterday.
Thinking of you...
# posted by 
: 12/19/2007 2:37 AM
I just try to get through this holiday without some kind of meltdown, and it's hard when it is all right there in your face -- then add missing loved ones.
Atheists like me are odd man out most of the time. I can't even tell my relatives. I don't want them trying to save my soul from hell. That would NOT be fun. Plus it would make them cry.
Come here you ...
{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}
Nava, you never know what's around the corner. Life is full of surprises. I know it's easier said than done, but when I'm in a funk I just try to ride it out like a wave. And you know how, when you're on an airplane, and you take off on an absolutely dreary day but when the plane gets above the clouds the sun is shining as brightly as ever?
It sounds trite, but the sun is always shining Nava, but sometimes we just happen to be in a shadow. But we're not always in that shadow. Things do change.
Nava, I don't have a spunky song for you, but I think you are the bee's knees. And that means I think you are terrific.
Hi, Nava:
BTW - you REALLY aren't alone...look around at all of us immigrants, often naturalized cits but still sharing the displacement feelings at this time of year!!
# posted by : 12/19/2007 7:12 AM
nava: I'm sorry that you're having a hard time of it. In a way I understand what it must be like for you because I went through that quite intensively when I moved to Israel as a child and then came back to Canada - twice! It was hard then so I can imagine what it must feel like as an adult. But you know... many of us feel displaced and out of touch. That doesn't make it better, but basically it does emphasis that EVERYBODY feels like "the odd man out". I'm not doing anything at all about Christmas this year, so maybe we can keep each other company? Online at least...
Its weird how the blues seem to be going around. I've been in a funk too, and normally I love this time of year. What loss happened on Jan 10th if you don't mind me asking?
(( hug ))
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I feel for you, nava. Just went through two very lousy months of "what the hell am I here for?" and Merry Season on Command does NOT appeal (nothing on command appeals to me, frankly.)
(oh - I embedded a link to your post in one of my endless Sunday rambles, the one entitled "The Privileges of Freedom" - just mentioning it so you'll know that even while you were feeling way down there, you touched somebody, somewhere.)
best,
Lee
I'm flattered to be linked to in that post of yours - especially in the poetic connotation you gave it!!
Words could never describe how grateful I am to have your Thoughts in the USA. We've never met and are different in many ways...but to me what I celebrate is how much we're alike.
I've lived here my whole life and still wonder what the hell I'm doing.
If it's any consolation, I sat down at the kitchen table and had a good cry yesterday.
Thinking of you...
: 12/19/2007 2:37 AM Atheists like me are odd man out most of the time. I can't even tell my relatives. I don't want them trying to save my soul from hell. That would NOT be fun. Plus it would make them cry.
{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}
Nava, you never know what's around the corner. Life is full of surprises. I know it's easier said than done, but when I'm in a funk I just try to ride it out like a wave. And you know how, when you're on an airplane, and you take off on an absolutely dreary day but when the plane gets above the clouds the sun is shining as brightly as ever?
It sounds trite, but the sun is always shining Nava, but sometimes we just happen to be in a shadow. But we're not always in that shadow. Things do change.
BTW - you REALLY aren't alone...look around at all of us immigrants, often naturalized cits but still sharing the displacement feelings at this time of year!!
: 12/19/2007 7:12 AM (( hug ))
