Monday, February 04, 2008
Got Ants?
It's this time of year again.
The season opened a couple of weeks ago, when I noticed I was not alone in the shower, but rather exposed to the scrutinizing gazes of those creepy crawlers. A line of them, walking along the shower wall and onto the tiles, looking for - well, not quite sure what. It's a shower, for heaven's sake! No food here, little idiots! So I washed them down and cleaned around with some orange oil cleaner to wipe away their tracks.
Sure enough, they came back. Only this time, onto the bathroom countertop. At least they had a solid reason this time, as The JohnnyB, in a brilliant move, had left the NyQuil bottle open... What a wonderful sight for sore eyes, to wake up in the morning and freeze in front of a crawling surface, eh? Some of them were checking out my face cream, a couple others decided to adopt my contact lenses case as their very own Olympic swimming pool, and a bunch of teenage ants dipped their antennas in my leave-in conditioner. I didn't care about that as much as I was furious at the ones that used my Chanel perfume. What a %#@# liberty! The majority of that delegation went for the NyQuil, and already had this dosed look in their eyes, heavy eyelids and all. Well, one thing's for sure: they will never cough again. Not only due to the efficiency of the syrup, but mostly because they have met their sudden demise right there and then. I'm not a morning person.A couple of evenings later, we were having dinner. Sitting in front of the TV, listening to the falling rain, eating the very nice chicken in tarragon-mustard cream sauce (yup, made by yours truly), the furnace humming its cozy song - I reached out for my bottle of juice, took a sip, and - - - hey, an ant on my plate? Ah well, I nonchalantly kicked it out, trying to keep my cool (as The JohnnyB was watching), and took another sip from the bottle - - - um, I mean, I was just about to, when I saw it was, like, kinda, moving?? Well, so much for being nonchalant. Jumped off the chair, and ran to the sink to wash the ants off the bottle. The JohnnyB was quick to follow, his bottle also adorned with a lively crown of ants. Interesting coincidence? A quick look in the garage revealed that the top shelf, where we keep the juice bottles, was swarming with those little guys. Have you seen Indiana Jones? You get the picture. I know, I know - ants are small, they have an admirable colony life with community centers and low-rate classes for their elderly, and true, they are not revolting as other creatures (see under cockroaches). BUT - they do give me the creeps and drive me nuts with their persistency. And it's not only me - they almost drove The JohnnyB to becoming a Republican! This time, they had a drum & bugle corps that was marching ahead, triumphantly leading the troops up, up, up towards the roof.
Yet another massacre, followed by the orange cleaner.
So the morning after, The JohnnyB bravely went outside to look for the source. 'round the house he walked, using his bionic eyes (well, he had Lasik) to find trails or at least scouts. The little dirty bustards, on mobilization orders, were busy attacking the house, building Trojan horses, trying to get in through every nook and crevice, with helmets and bayoneted guns, climbing their way to the roof!
5 bottles of Terro Outdoor spray. The guys at OSH are really starting to like us!We had two quiet days, each side rearranging its forces. Then, they came through the garage sink, practically from nowhere, made their way to the shelf above the washing machine and allured me into playing hide and seek with them amongst the many garage towels... quite a deadly game, as they quickly discovered.
"I swear they come through the pipes", I told The JohnnyB when he came home from work, "EmeritiL also has ants in her shower, and she said they keep coming through the pipes!".
But a man like The JohnnyB will not listen to frivolous women. Nope. He needs proof. And the proof is in the pudding. And so are the ants.
He followed them as if he were Guy Noir, Private Eye. Tracing their little footprints, shining a flashlight into their deceiving eyes, questioning their relatives and friends to see where they might be coming from. He even went as far as torturing some, who - I've got to hand it to them - preferred to commit suicide rather than tell on their colony.
Reverting to technology, he used some foam-spray thingy to seal around the pipes, just in case.
Sure enough, they popped up for a visit in the shower. Again. Just to say hi, and see if perhaps we wouldn't catch them. Y'know, what annoys me the most is the smug expression on their little faces when they look me in the eye, signaling to me you-might-be-bigger-but-we-are-more-stubborn. Oh yeah? well, I have the spray bottle, you little freaks!
The last report is from today. The rain kept falling, and we decided to start clearing the garage from the boxes that remained from our flooring adventure (yup, we haven't unpacked everything yet. We're busy. Fighting ants).
I sat on the doorstep to put my shoes on, when I noticed the floor is moving - - - well, hello again! A line of ants, walking from nowhere towards where-the-hell! The JohnnyB knelt on his knees (the way he never did when he proposed to me), and started to follow them. They couldn't care less, and kept their Sunday stroll underneath the shelves, towards the furnace and into an alleged crevice in the wall that led out of the house. Or maybe back into the house. One of them tipped his hat towards us. You could tell it came from a good nest.
The JohnnyB went on a spraying spree inside the furnace, where they were heading. As a result, we had to freeze for hours until it was safe again to turn the heat on (while the combination of fumes and fire would have made a great blog post, we chose to skip the adventure). So now we get the odor of the spray from the heating vents. Joy!Where are they heading next?
I don't know.
It's starting to feel like a movie from the mystery-horror genre. They are leading us in circles, you see. Trying to drive us crazy before they carry out their vicious plan. Oh yes, they have a plan! Today I saw, with my own eyes, a suspicious-looking ant with a long tan coat and bad breath, passing a piece of paper to another ant. The latter managed to swallow the note just before I could tear it out of its tiny jaws.
Any day now, they'll be moving Fred.
Labels: Scary, This Old House, WTF?
# posted by Nava @ 12:34 AM 
Comments:
Eek! you just had to give us a reminder scare this morning with that movie!
ok the ant problem was one we had once or twice.
We got the bait. In the little black plastic houses with many doors...they collect the food(poison) and take it back to their colony.
Then they are dead dead dead.
Although I think it depends on what type of ant(s) you have...
The "ADVANCE DUAL CHOICE ANT BAIT STATION" is a good one!
Hopefully the little jerks will get dead soon. ;)
And why hasn't the Johnnyb blogged in such a long time?
# posted by 
: 2/04/2008 4:06 AM
Maybe they like that orange scent! ;-)
Are these little bitty guys? Our bug guy said they were Rover Ants, but liked to call them "Rove" ants. The company is Chem-Free. He put out some stuff (some bait and powder) that got rid of them and haven't seen any since, and it's non-toxic for people and critters.
Our problem is fire ants, usually outside but sometimes make their way indoors. Bad stings!!! You shouldn't have to worry about those until climate change catches up with you.
Rhonda, yeah, we know all about the bait theory and arming them with poison that will kill the colony. Tried that many times. Our ants do not abide by that. They turn to zombies that keep coming back.
Blueberry, no, no Rover Ants nor Fire ants (luckily). just plain, simple, average bloody ants. Unless our pet termites decide to come back, that is...
Hey - we live in California. We don't have "average" ants. Ours are imported. Yep - all the way from Argentina.
(http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/TOOLS/ANTKEY/argentine.html)
Been trying baits (even I'm not joking when I say "Gallons of it" - once you move up to the 1 pint dispensers, you have to buy it in gallons!
And yes, if they do move Fred, we may just have to move!
In this post, there were quite a few good laughs that I needed. The 'way he never did when he proposed' line was masterful.
* snicker *
I don't mean to laugh at your woes, only your write up of it!
Wheeler told me after I read this to him that Dogette eats ants. Shall I ship her? Overnight shipping upgrade free of charge even.
Soooo, is that a yes on the free shipping? I sure hope so, according to the shipper's website, she is approximately over Omaha right now and will arrive there tomorrow by 4:32 pm. Will you be home?
Sounds like Dogette is gonna have her - ummm - paws full. And then her Belly!
I've no ant solutions, but do concur with Daniel that the "on his knees" line was masterful! :)
The JohnnyB, well, they are still in the shower. And they've knocked down the first-aid kit which turned off the furnace switch. When are we moving?
Blogauthor, what is your return policy? not sure I can handle both the ants AND the scent of Doggette...
Daniel, Michael, distress makes me very creative...
I'm most sorry to inform you that all sales (including giveaways) are final. However we would be willing in this one instance to refund the difference between the shipping charge for Critical Express Live Animal rate and standard Super Duper Express Overnight rate.
You may take comfort in the fact that you will have no living ants after her arrival, only deader-than-a-doornail ants, who if you peer closely, will probably have their little legs wrapped around their faces to protect from the stench.
Thank you for doing business with Flatulence Unlimited, LLC.
So, as one who lived many years in the bay area and had to fend off frequent attacks by the Argentinian Ant Army, I can say that I tried everything under the sun, and nothing worked. Except for one thing. Combat Ant Killing Gel. The local Home Depots all carry it.
It is fabulous, and fun, too! The ants in my San Schmose house were very persistent and came into every bathroom no matter what we did (they can tunnel right through the spray foam stuff that seals around pipes), but the ant killing gel was a miracle. The ants couldn't eat it fast enough. They swarmed all over it (unlike spray that they just avoided and the traps that they completely ignored)! After about 20 minutes, they would start to die, and the swarm would come carry the bodies back to the nest to be eaten. Ants live about six weeks, so once the queen is dead, it still takes about six week to have no more ants, and we had no more ants! Really. We needed two tubes of the stuff to wipe out what I think was about 5 colonies in our house.
Here's a really fun thing we tried in the bathroom tub. We put some of the gel up on the top row of the tile above the shower head (MaxieC was maybe one at the time, so we wanted it out of reach), then when an ant popped out from behind one of the water valves, we'd "steer" it up to the gel by blocking its path in any other direction with our fingers. We'd do that to one or two ants, then watch how long it took after they back to the colony for a big stream of ants to return and make a bee-line for the gel. It was about 5 minutes.
HannahC had major major fun, and so did I.
ורק אמא שילנו היתה הולכת המטבחה שופתת מים, הרבה מלןת'לפים מים, מרתיחה ושופכת על הנמלים לא לפני הערה בכלל לא אגבית: מסכנות! כואב הלב!! נעשה לי קר!!! וכמו שאת זוכרת - הן פשוט לא חזרו למטבח. כמה פשוט - ככה יעיל
# posted by : 2/27/2008 12:18 AM
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ok the ant problem was one we had once or twice.
We got the bait. In the little black plastic houses with many doors...they collect the food(poison) and take it back to their colony.
Then they are dead dead dead.
Although I think it depends on what type of ant(s) you have...
The "ADVANCE DUAL CHOICE ANT BAIT STATION" is a good one!
Hopefully the little jerks will get dead soon. ;)
And why hasn't the Johnnyb blogged in such a long time?
# posted by : 2/04/2008 4:06 AM
: 2/04/2008 4:06 AM Are these little bitty guys? Our bug guy said they were Rover Ants, but liked to call them "Rove" ants. The company is Chem-Free. He put out some stuff (some bait and powder) that got rid of them and haven't seen any since, and it's non-toxic for people and critters.
Our problem is fire ants, usually outside but sometimes make their way indoors. Bad stings!!! You shouldn't have to worry about those until climate change catches up with you.
Blueberry, no, no Rover Ants nor Fire ants (luckily). just plain, simple, average bloody ants. Unless our pet termites decide to come back, that is...
(http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/TOOLS/ANTKEY/argentine.html)
Been trying baits (even I'm not joking when I say "Gallons of it" - once you move up to the 1 pint dispensers, you have to buy it in gallons!
And yes, if they do move Fred, we may just have to move!
I don't mean to laugh at your woes, only your write up of it!
Wheeler told me after I read this to him that Dogette eats ants. Shall I ship her? Overnight shipping upgrade free of charge even.
I've no ant solutions, but do concur with Daniel that the "on his knees" line was masterful! :)
Blogauthor, what is your return policy? not sure I can handle both the ants AND the scent of Doggette...
Daniel, Michael, distress makes me very creative...
You may take comfort in the fact that you will have no living ants after her arrival, only deader-than-a-doornail ants, who if you peer closely, will probably have their little legs wrapped around their faces to protect from the stench.
Thank you for doing business with Flatulence Unlimited, LLC.
It is fabulous, and fun, too! The ants in my San Schmose house were very persistent and came into every bathroom no matter what we did (they can tunnel right through the spray foam stuff that seals around pipes), but the ant killing gel was a miracle. The ants couldn't eat it fast enough. They swarmed all over it (unlike spray that they just avoided and the traps that they completely ignored)! After about 20 minutes, they would start to die, and the swarm would come carry the bodies back to the nest to be eaten. Ants live about six weeks, so once the queen is dead, it still takes about six week to have no more ants, and we had no more ants! Really. We needed two tubes of the stuff to wipe out what I think was about 5 colonies in our house.
Here's a really fun thing we tried in the bathroom tub. We put some of the gel up on the top row of the tile above the shower head (MaxieC was maybe one at the time, so we wanted it out of reach), then when an ant popped out from behind one of the water valves, we'd "steer" it up to the gel by blocking its path in any other direction with our fingers. We'd do that to one or two ants, then watch how long it took after they back to the colony for a big stream of ants to return and make a bee-line for the gel. It was about 5 minutes.
HannahC had major major fun, and so did I.
# posted by : 2/27/2008 12:18 AM
: 2/27/2008 12:18 AM 
