Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Recipe: Not for the Faint of Heart
Sometimes, the simplest ingredients make for the best results.
Here's a very simple recipe that I'm trying for the third time in the last couple of months.
Ingredients:
- Water. Lots and lots of water.
Directions:
- Pour water into pots, or fill an electric kettle. Or two.
- Wait for the water to boil, while thinking to yourself "Ah, I should have used warm tap water to make it faster!".
- Bring water to a boil - better to have several pots/kettles, so they can boil in parallel- you'll need it soon!
- Turn burner to maximum temperature.
- Carefully carry pot with boiling water to the backyard.
- Pour water on the highway of swarming ants that are walking along the rim of the cement under cover of the night.
- Concentrate first on those carrying big white eggs, those with wings (queens to be) and those that are bigger (the fat-ass VIPs of the colony who came out of the nest to give emergency orders).
- Return to kitchen.
- Refill pot (this time with warm tap water!), put on burner.
- Take next pot outside. You know what to do.
- Repeat forever - or until you are exhausted.
- Drive away any remorseful thoughts of barbarism.
- Ignore the itchy feeling you suddenly get all over your body. This is psychosomatic. ,
- Hope that ants do not hold grudge. They know where you live.
For a special treat, if you see a veeeeeeeeeery big and long ant with a lot of ants trying to lead her somewhere safe - go for it! it may very well be the queen. Don't forget to courteously bow before sending her to the queens' heaven. She is, after all, royalty.
It's 2am now, and I am after 4 rounds of the above.
Let's see what tomorrow brings.
Good night.
Labels: Damn Technology, Nature, Scary, This Old House, WTF?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A Thousand Words - And Then Some #19
Sometimes even I find myself putting down the camera. Hard times call for sacrificing documentary photography in order to grab weapons of mass destruction.
In short:
One ant on our bedroom ceiling. Rest her soul. During this discovery, I was talkin' on the phone to LimaB, who had a field day on me getting freaked about it.
Apparently, my gut feeling was correct. It always is.
Went out to the garage to fetch something from the drier - - -
- - - and a small section of the floor was practically moving. Lo and behold: a trail of ants from underneath a shelf in the garage was trekking all the way to the other end, up the garage sink leg and upwards along the wall. Some of them were very big and different in shape, which means it was a popular venue to which the VIPs of the nest also came, black-tie, valet parking and all (not sure it was the queen, though). They all seemed to really like Miracle Grow, which made me ponder - but I did not stop to have a chat about their queer taste. I prefered to put them all in the RIP state of being.
Investigating where they may come from was in vain. Outside, the sky was blue and the birds were chirping and the world looked innocent and totally ant-less.
Only then I saw some of those critters rushing out of our cactus planter.
"It's been a while since I've last watered the cacti", I thought, and poured a glass of water into one of them - - -
<--------- - - - - - - and that was the immediate result.
WHOA!!!
Swarming is an understatement.
A MAJOR understatement.
Y'see, this plant is a light green cactus. See the delightful blossoms on top of its finger-like thingies?
These are about seven thousand sixty nine billion three hundred seventy two million four thousands five hundred and sixty three ants.
Could be sixty four. It was hard to tell - they were moving fast! What am I, Rain Man?
By all means, click on the photo to see it larger and up close while you're sitting at your safe ant-less house. (not a bad macro photo for someone in an acute shock, eh?)
Not sure if that is the source, but The JohnnyB is going on a quest for that Combat thingy that CherkyB recommended.
So . . . anyone knows a pet store that's carrying ant eaters?
.
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Labels: Nature, Scary, This Old House, WTF?
Monday, February 04, 2008
Got Ants?
It's this time of year again.
The season opened a couple of weeks ago, when I noticed I was not alone in the shower, but rather exposed to the scrutinizing gazes of those creepy crawlers. A line of them, walking along the shower wall and onto the tiles, looking for - well, not quite sure what. It's a shower, for heaven's sake! No food here, little idiots! So I washed them down and cleaned around with some orange oil cleaner to wipe away their tracks.
Sure enough, they came back. Only this time, onto the bathroom countertop. At least they had a solid reason this time, as The JohnnyB, in a brilliant move, had left the NyQuil bottle open... What a wonderful sight for sore eyes, to wake up in the morning and freeze in front of a crawling surface, eh? Some of them were checking out my face cream, a couple others decided to adopt my contact lenses case as their very own Olympic swimming pool, and a bunch of teenage ants dipped their antennas in my leave-in conditioner. I didn't care about that as much as I was furious at the ones that used my Chanel perfume. What a %#@# liberty! The majority of that delegation went for the NyQuil, and already had this dosed look in their eyes, heavy eyelids and all. Well, one thing's for sure: they will never cough again. Not only due to the efficiency of the syrup, but mostly because they have met their sudden demise right there and then. I'm not a morning person.A couple of evenings later, we were having dinner. Sitting in front of the TV, listening to the falling rain, eating the very nice chicken in tarragon-mustard cream sauce (yup, made by yours truly), the furnace humming its cozy song - I reached out for my bottle of juice, took a sip, and - - - hey, an ant on my plate? Ah well, I nonchalantly kicked it out, trying to keep my cool (as The JohnnyB was watching), and took another sip from the bottle - - - um, I mean, I was just about to, when I saw it was, like, kinda, moving?? Well, so much for being nonchalant. Jumped off the chair, and ran to the sink to wash the ants off the bottle. The JohnnyB was quick to follow, his bottle also adorned with a lively crown of ants. Interesting coincidence? A quick look in the garage revealed that the top shelf, where we keep the juice bottles, was swarming with those little guys. Have you seen Indiana Jones? You get the picture. I know, I know - ants are small, they have an admirable colony life with community centers and low-rate classes for their elderly, and true, they are not revolting as other creatures (see under cockroaches). BUT - they do give me the creeps and drive me nuts with their persistency. And it's not only me - they almost drove The JohnnyB to becoming a Republican! This time, they had a drum & bugle corps that was marching ahead, triumphantly leading the troops up, up, up towards the roof.
Yet another massacre, followed by the orange cleaner.
So the morning after, The JohnnyB bravely went outside to look for the source. 'round the house he walked, using his bionic eyes (well, he had Lasik) to find trails or at least scouts. The little dirty bustards, on mobilization orders, were busy attacking the house, building Trojan horses, trying to get in through every nook and crevice, with helmets and bayoneted guns, climbing their way to the roof!
5 bottles of Terro Outdoor spray. The guys at OSH are really starting to like us!We had two quiet days, each side rearranging its forces. Then, they came through the garage sink, practically from nowhere, made their way to the shelf above the washing machine and allured me into playing hide and seek with them amongst the many garage towels... quite a deadly game, as they quickly discovered.
"I swear they come through the pipes", I told The JohnnyB when he came home from work, "EmeritiL also has ants in her shower, and she said they keep coming through the pipes!".
But a man like The JohnnyB will not listen to frivolous women. Nope. He needs proof. And the proof is in the pudding. And so are the ants.
He followed them as if he were Guy Noir, Private Eye. Tracing their little footprints, shining a flashlight into their deceiving eyes, questioning their relatives and friends to see where they might be coming from. He even went as far as torturing some, who - I've got to hand it to them - preferred to commit suicide rather than tell on their colony.
Reverting to technology, he used some foam-spray thingy to seal around the pipes, just in case.
Sure enough, they popped up for a visit in the shower. Again. Just to say hi, and see if perhaps we wouldn't catch them. Y'know, what annoys me the most is the smug expression on their little faces when they look me in the eye, signaling to me you-might-be-bigger-but-we-are-more-stubborn. Oh yeah? well, I have the spray bottle, you little freaks!
The last report is from today. The rain kept falling, and we decided to start clearing the garage from the boxes that remained from our flooring adventure (yup, we haven't unpacked everything yet. We're busy. Fighting ants).
I sat on the doorstep to put my shoes on, when I noticed the floor is moving - - - well, hello again! A line of ants, walking from nowhere towards where-the-hell! The JohnnyB knelt on his knees (the way he never did when he proposed to me), and started to follow them. They couldn't care less, and kept their Sunday stroll underneath the shelves, towards the furnace and into an alleged crevice in the wall that led out of the house. Or maybe back into the house. One of them tipped his hat towards us. You could tell it came from a good nest.
The JohnnyB went on a spraying spree inside the furnace, where they were heading. As a result, we had to freeze for hours until it was safe again to turn the heat on (while the combination of fumes and fire would have made a great blog post, we chose to skip the adventure). So now we get the odor of the spray from the heating vents. Joy!Where are they heading next?
I don't know.
It's starting to feel like a movie from the mystery-horror genre. They are leading us in circles, you see. Trying to drive us crazy before they carry out their vicious plan. Oh yes, they have a plan! Today I saw, with my own eyes, a suspicious-looking ant with a long tan coat and bad breath, passing a piece of paper to another ant. The latter managed to swallow the note just before I could tear it out of its tiny jaws.
Any day now, they'll be moving Fred.
Labels: Scary, This Old House, WTF?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Sorry Seems To Be the Hardest Word
"Have you noticed that nobody ever apologizes anymore?", asked me RabkieM a couple of weeks ago. She is going through some major remodeling in her house.
"Well, if they do, they admit they made a mistake", I told her then, with the blessed detachment reserved for the comfy seat at the ivory tower of those who are not getting ulcer caused by strangers running around in their house, stretching out work and getting an impressive amount of money for doing so.
Jimmy Scott
And now I understand what she was saying.
We first experienced it with the S&G screw-up. While the installers themselves were hardworking, caring and truly professional, the sales guys at S&G never bothered to apologize for their mistake and the total lack of caring. Their way of showing any kind of remorse was to assure us over the phone, "Ah, we'll give you a lot of free stuff for cleaning and protecting your floors". Yeah... They did give us one mop, which I now realize we should have rejected with disdain. (Yes, I shamefully admit, we took it. Big, HUGE mistake on our account).
Now, it's - the electrician. I am so pissed at him that he shall not even get a blog name!
After several times of calling him for an estimate, and having been blissfully ignored by him, he finally arrived at our house on Friday morning (well, closer to noon, and not before a cranky were-are-you call made to him by The JohnnyB). He was armed with what I still think is an outrageously high estimate, but I am told that "this is how it is here". Whatever.
He came with 2 helpers. Let's all go back to elementary school, and count together: one electrician plus two helpers - that makes three. Three people, several hours.
We clearly asked them to do certain things first.
The guy clearly said "Sure, sure, we'll do it first, Ha Ha Ha".
We clearly believed him.
They clearly didn't finish even one damn thing!
They ran under and around the house, making busy sounds. The electrician with one helper spent a couple of hours under the house (I wonder if they didn't go down under with a portable TV and just sat there, watching it), while the second helper leisurely drilled and cut holes into our walls in between conversations on his cellualr. They left for a lengthy lunch, and came back.
In the afternoon, I was starting to wonder, as nothing seemed to be in progress.
Around 4pm, we got a report that they need to resolve one problem in the bedroom (one open hole), and that the hole they cut for the cables was in the wrong place. About 1 foot wrong, so the wire cannot be fished through it.
"WTF?", I turned my wondering eyes to The JohnnyB.
"They are not walking away", he reassured me. "They still have 3-4 hours to finish up".
Ah, sweet optimism...
As soon as he finished his sentence, they started to take off their Ninja work suits and got back to looking presentable.
And as they were leaving, The JohnnyB and myself gazing at them with astonishment, the electrician kept walking around, saying "Looking good!". We walked through the house to see if anything was even remotely close to being finished in my studio (4 open holes), but the walls gazed back at us, full of holes for switches and jacks, all open to suggestions. "Looking good!", he shined again like an idiot, as I stared at my studio floor, that was half covered with all their equipment. I was almost in tears - both fury and frustration.
Now, The JohnnyB, who often gets very assertive and impatient at work, bashing into big idiot managers and giving everyone large pieces of his mind, becomes very nice when it comes to people who actully deserve to get a taste of assertiveness. Especially when it comes to people who take advantage of his niceness.
As for me...
One of the things that really get to me is to be stepped on or played with, while having my intelligence disregarded.
I was pissed. Nice, but pissed.
"So, the television is not going to be hooked today?", I asked.
"No", muttered the electrician, losing some of his enthusiasm. At least he was decent enough to say, "Oh, yes, you asked that we do it today".
"Yes, we did", I assured him.
"Oh yes", he showed an amazing ability to recover back to his cheery self, "so John can watch his football game" (The JohnnyB never watches football, but I wasn't going to point that out to the genius). Turning to The Johnny, he smiled, "Ah, yes, football, you can go to B.J.'s and watch it on full screen Ha Ha Ha".
"And", I added through my teeth, "You are not going to close any of the holes in the studio wall today?".
"No", he admitted, scratching his head and looking at me as if I were the greatest nuisance on earth.
He was starting to get the notion that we might be, like, maybe, not so very happy with him, Ha Ha Ha.
"It's getting dark", he said, "our flashlights are only good for one hour, so we cannot work under the house now".
I gave up. After all, what could I do? Force them under the house and close the lid to the crawl space until they are done? (tempting, I admit, but not quite acceptable, I presume).
He followed the disappointed The JohnnyB and me to the living room (2 open holes and mess on the new floor).
"Maybe you need an extension cord?", he said hopefully. "I can give you one for free. Fancy one, Ha Ha Ha".
"No", said The JohnnyB coldly. (Finally!)
"Fancy one! You sure you don't need?".
"No!".
And then I understood.
That's how tradesmen say "I'm sorry for messing up". They offer you free stuff, mostly of minimal nominal value, hoping it will atone for screw-ups and make people think they are generous. Everyone likes a freebie, right?
Nope.
And this is someone recommended by Angie's List to be highly professional and good!
The scary thing is that, when I complained to a couple of American friends here, and to The JohnnyB (lengthily), I got this: "Ah, but this is how it is. There are so few tradesmen in this area, that even if they do crap job, they will still get a lot of work. You should be thankful that they even come back!".
How encouraging to realize that the road to mediocrity is one big mutli-lane freeway, with no speed limit.
They are coming back tomorrow.
Ha Ha Ha.
Labels: Culture, Little Lunch for Thought, This Old House, Venting
Thursday, September 20, 2007
News Flash
Tomorrow, an electrician is coming to our house to reconnect some wires, install several lights, ground a couple of jacks and re-wire our phone lines.Yes, you heard right.
An electrician!
- - - - - - - is coming!!
- -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - To our!!!
- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - House!!!!!
I am choked, speechless and torn between tears of relief and disbelief.
And now I shall sit back and look at those pigs fly...
Labels: This Old House, Wonders of The JohnnyB, Wow
Thursday, September 13, 2007
ArtPact #30
And in between vinyl and laminate, I got a break to go among people for one day.
A workshop is taking place this week, y'see. One that I really wanted to take, by an instructor from Michigan, whose work I really like and whose book is a wonderful inspiration and a great reference to keep your in line with the elements of design. And after the demo given by the instructor on Saturday, I REALLY wanted to take it even more, as he turned out to be a fun and funny guy, with a great sense of humor - plus an incredible teacher. So, The JohnnyB worked from home and set me free, so I can bask in the light of HaffeyM.
It was fun to not be confined to the den with the music of hammers and compressors and the enchanting view of floorers butts wherever I look. Now, it's not that I am dainty or somethin', and I know these guys do work their butts off (ah, glorious pun); and yet, as amusing as it may be, you kinda get tired of such views, and you crave for some new scenery.So, I got to take one day of that workshop - missed the first two , (which yielded some incredible results!), and the last two days that I will miss (which will probably yield even better ones).
At least I attended on the day they spoke of color, discuss different color schemes and be showered with some snippets of wisdom. After taking MikeyB's workshop twice, nothing was really new to me.
And yet, in every good workshop you get a revelation of something that's always been there, a new light is shed, from a new angle, a sentence the instructor says - and all of a sudden, another piece falls into place with a nice 'click' sound. So that alone was worth it.
And - not only was it a blessed break from the floorers-sitting, but I also get to post an ArtPact even on such a week!
These little studies are of FergieJ. I already did a couple of versions of her portrait, resulting in a big collage. Out of the 8 color combinations that HaffeyM wanted us to do, I did 4 quick ones in less than an hour. Not too bad, and it gave me some ideas about new directions. That's one of the great things about HaffeyM - he encourages to explore different styles and directions, rather than lock ourselves in one comfort zone and keep doing the same things, like so many artists do. This approach works for me much better!
The floor?
Ah, well, it's kinda finished. Today LamiS and LamiD are putting the baseboards and moldings and thingy around the hearth of the fireplace. If all goes well, they should be done this afternoon.
No mishaps, no big stories.
LamiS is a great floorer, I have to say. I guess everyone can lay laminate, but he does a lot of little things that show he genuinely cares about the end result. For example, he was shattered when he revealed that the white caulk he used on the baseboards in my studio does not go with the creamy color of the walls, wanting to run out and buy a different color of caulk. I had to reassure him twice that it's OK, and I will paint over it to match them all (as, there is no caulk in that color!). That, plus a couple of other resourceful things he did, is going to earn him a nice tip.
And, most important: it's looking good. VERY good, in fact.
And I am beyond sore now, as last night The JohnnyB and I put the cabinets back into my studio (LamiS finished it before the other rooms, upon my request, so I get my life back...). The JohnnyB attached them to the wall so they do not fall down during an earthquake. In fact, he did such an incredible job, that it's very likely they'll take the wall down with them...
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Labels: Art, ArtPact, This Old House
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Re-Floored: Day II
...and on the second day, LamiS brought LamiD with him. (I am starting to wonder if S&G read some of the comments left on the previous post, that showed heartfelt concern about the scanty number of people sent for the job). As opposed to yesterday, they agreed to a cup of coffee and started working on the jigsaw puzzle that will become our laminate floor. Quite a boring puzzle, I dare say. All pieces looking the same, no frame, no center of interest. But - to each his own.
VinyB joined them a bit later, looking refreshed - fortified even.
He worked
- - - and worked
- - - - - - and worked
- and several hours later, after the vanity and toilet were back in place, he had a stern talk with me about the welfare of vinyl and the existential importance of putting felt protectors underneath the heavy furniture that reside in my studio, on top of the vinyl he worked so hard to install. We then discussed whether I could use an office chair in my studio, and after a bargaining session (that made the peace talks in Camp David look like a casual chat), we reached a compromise: it's OK, as long as I use a rug underneath. He's a tough negotiator, VinyB. He is also a great pro and a real nice guy. He left, taking with him his toolbox as well as the most expressive plumber butt I've ever witnessed. (should have taken a picture, I know...).
Meanwhile, in the living room, LamiS and LamiD continued to solve the puzzle, slowly but steadily, took a break to adorn my studio with baseboards, so we can put things back in (yes, with felt protectors, OK!) and came close to finishing the living room. (Yes, CherkyB, they left it unfinished. Yes, we know the store you used would have finished it completely and would have thrown in a foot-massage. Not everyone gets the Wow treatment, y'see).
(Click to enlarge)
The house is already looking like someone else's. I love what it is becoming, and I honestly dunno if I'll manage to spare the life of the first person who sets a shoed foot on top of the laminate.
From now on, everyone hover, please...
For those of you who have been following the baseboard saga with bated breath: rest assured. On the first day of work, after learning of our deprivation, BossyC went to the baseboard orchard and picked a fresh, vine riped one. It is now painted in smoldering red (masterpiece of The JohnnyB), to match the living room wall. Don't you just love happy endings?
Labels: This Old House
Monday, September 10, 2007
A Thousand Words - And Then Some #12
I know, this picture does bring up memories... But no, The JohnnyB has not set the house on fire yet again. No. Y'all really do jump to conclusions very quickly, don't ya?
After the baseboards fascinating saga was over, the floorers arrived this morning, around 9:30 am. That is the first thing I liked about them: they do not show up at ungodly hours like 7am or such.
Three they were: BossyC, VinyB and LamiS.
Without too much ado, VinyB and LamiS launched at our floors. LamiS (who's in charge of the laminate) went for the living room, while VinyB (yup; Da Man Of Da Vinyl) busied himself peeling the carpet off my studio floor and proceeded to tear out the tiles in the bathroom, not before taking out the toilet. So now we have a hole in the floor to aim at. An indoor outhouse. Or, I guess we could take our business to the master bathroom.
Surprises of the day:
First, underneath the ugly carpet, old tiles and older linoleum, there resides a beautiful hardwood floor!! Or, at least it used to be. A gorgeous light color, with a nice honey tone. It looks OK in my studio (just with a lot of smears of paint, wall texture and a touch of water stains). However, in the living room, alas, it's also garnished with a hideous blackish carpet padding that was mercilessly glued right on top on it. Add to that a terrible-looking patch in the middle of the room, dead center... Ah, if these floors could talk... (even if they did, I suspect I wouldn't have been able to put it in this PG-13 blog!). What a desecration! And so, that is what this apocalyptic photo depicts: our living room floor, sans carpet and before LamiS has scraped it. Lovely, Eh?Second: the guest bathroom vanity had to be taken out, as the tiles were oh-so-cleverly tucked underneath it... I do not recall a sadder expression than the one VinyB had on his face when he discovered this fact and came to share it with us. On the other hand, he did not have to scrape off the ewwwww old Jiffa(*) off the living room floor. Now we hope that the vanity will go back in OK, as we don't have the time to get a nice enough one this week (and yes, we looked around this evening, following this new development!).
After hours of noise and dust and tile ricochets flying in the air, huge chunks of old ugly carpet (did I mention I hate carpets?) taken outside, followed by many trash bags, the living room was neatly scraped, and my studio floor covered with large sheets of plywood.
VinyB and LamiS left around 4pm, exhausted and black in the face, looking as if they just finished fighting a terrible fire. Especially VinyB. Man, I felt sorry for these guys!
That is the end of day 1, the worst and messiest part of this adventure, as I understand.
And we survived it.
So far, I am impressed with the professionality and diligence of the floorers themselves, and the fact they left the house in such an incredibly clean condition after they disappeared to the horizon in a cloud of dust.
Oh, but wait. Just in case you are getting all warm and fuzzy about S&G: the floorers did not bring the extra baseboard to replace the chipped one.
Why?
Apparently, S&G guys 1, 2 and 3 didn't even bother to communicate it to them. Too busy having lunch, I presume.
(*) Jiffa is a Hebrew slang word (from Arabic), that comes very handy when you need to describe something that is dirty, slimy, loathsome - you get the picture.
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Labels: This Old House, WTF?
Saturday, September 08, 2007
...Let The Saga Begin...
Monday morning, the floor installers arrive.
And we've been working like crazy towards this: packing and packing and packing and detaching wires and packing and taking nails off the walls (so no eyes are poked) and filling boxes and moving furniture and packing...
Now, all this, hmm, packing, is stressful enough, and The JohnnyB and I am not at the peak of our friendliness these days. So, the last thing we need is for S&G to screw up, Eh? Which they cannot, right? After all, how can they screw up before they even started?
Ah - never underestimate the potential of anybody!
We are using the baseboards made of MDF (M-something D-something Fiberboard), which can be painted to match the color of the walls. After seeing the insane price of laminate baseboards, and getting scared by the crappy look of plastic baseboards, learning about the existence of these babies made me very very happy.
Now, even I, a highly impractical person, figured out it makes sense to paint them before they are installed, right? Coz then we can just touch up the paint to remove nailing marks and black fingerprints, right? For that, we need the baseboards to be dropped at our house, right? Simple, even?
Nope.
8 days ago, the baseboards finally arrived, accompanied by the chief installer. Nice enough man, who kept telling me how much work we will have to do packing with all the stuff we have (OK, my studio is indeed packed with - wait, no, it's not crap! I prefer to call it tools of the trade, even if I collect old bags of rice for creating texture!). He scanned the house, made sure he understands what needs to be done, gave me one last pitiful look, and drove away, leaving me in a cheery mood.
On Labor Day, we decided to put some labor into it (Ha - sooooooooo funny!). The JohnnyB opened the first pack of baseboards, and sighed deeply, reverting to some juicy Arabic cussing (yeah, I teach him a lot!).
"They gave us the wrong ones".
"What d'ya mean?"
"These are not the ones we ordered", he repeated impatiently (da man hates it when I ask a question that is remotely similar to the one asked within a month before).
"Ah, maybe we can still use them? they can't be that diffe - - - ", and then I choked.
Sweet mother of the baseboards - the ones we ordered were very simple, with a clean profile, on the verge of elegant (well, one can only expect so much from baseboards...). The ones I was gazing at with sheer horror were, well, anything but. They had thingies! Y'know, thingies! Adorned by three or four ornate round thingies, the baseboards gazed at me with garish pride.
The JohnnyB packed them back nicely into their package, making sure to have them neatly put back. 'cause he is a nice guy.
On Tuesday, I called the store.
"Oh yes, I see they dropped the wrong ones", said S&G guy #1. "OK, Ma'am, we'll call you back".
I searched desperately for a filament of apology, a slight notion of regret in his indifferent voice - nothing!
On Thursday, I called the store.
"Ah, but you did not speak to me", replied S&G guy #2 to my complaint. "I will have S&G guy #1 call you in 15 minutes".
3 hours later, I called the store - and got acquainted with S&G guy #3. (Joy, so many new friends!)
"Ah, S&G guy #1 is having lunch now. We do not deliver baseboards. Do you want to pick them up?".
"Well, you apparently do deliver", I educated him, "as you delivered the wrong ones. We need them replaced".
"Can you hold one moment please?", he asked a rhetorical question, and left me with a lot of recorded words of self-appraisal. After I learned everything I could about how amazing S&G is (hey, they say so themsellves!), he got back to me. "OK, Ah, S&G guy #1 said they will bring the baseboards on Monday when they arrive".
"And when are we supposed to paint them?", I crescendoed.
"Ah, well, Ma'am, you see, they are putting the baseboards at the end anyway", he enlightened me, "so you'll have time to do it while they are doing the other stuff".
"No, we will not have the time nor the space to paint them next week", I said through clenched teeth, "I called you about it 2 days ago and today, and yet you never got back to me!".
"OK, S&G guy #1 will call you - he is now with a customer".
"Will he?", I sarcasmed.
"Yes", was the offended reply.
S&G guy #2 (not S&G guy #1) called back in 5 minutes. "The baseboards will be dropped tomorrow between 12:30 and 1pm".
The day after (AKA tomorrow), at 2:30pm, I called the store. Dunno which S&G replied, and I couldn't care less at that point.
"Oh, he is on his way, he'll be there before 3pm!".
At 3:45, a truck backed into the driveway, and a new guy started unloading 2 packages of nicely packed baseboards. Then, he took 2 additional ones that were shoved on top of a bunch of carpet samples, and apparently had a rough ride.
"This one is chipped", I showed him.
"Ah, you can sand and caulk and prime and paint them", he said with joy. "Nobody'll see it. By the way, why did you need them today?".
"So that we can paint them!?", I informed him with an emphasized Duh! intonation.
"You want to paint them before they put them in???", he asked, apparently shocked by the mere idea, looking at me as if I were the most insane person on this galaxy.
"No, we want to paint them after they are installed, so I can lie flat on the brand new floor and get a chance to spill paint on the new laminate and the new vinyl", I replied (but alas - only in my mind).
At 5:30, The JohnnyB came home, to a very angry lovely wife. (yes, I can be both at the same time).
"OK, now it's your turn to talk to them!", I exclaimed.
This time, a woman answered. The JohnnyB informed her that we got a chipped baseboard, and that yes, we can try to sand-caulk-prime-paint it, but hey, we are paying them, so why should we do all that?
"S&G guy #1 is not here", she said.
"OK", said The JohnnyB, somewhat defeated, "have him call me tomorrow".
We spent the evening painting baseboards, avoiding the chipped one. A series of 12 baseboards. Two coats. Fascinating project, obviously... Today, in between frantic packing, I reminded The JohnnyB to call S&G guy #1 (who, surprisingly, did not call back!). He called, but S&G guy #1 was just out to lunch (hmm... that guy eats a lot, and very often), and will call him back.
2 hours later, The JohnnyB called S&G, informed them that they need to make sure the installers bring a brand new unchipped baseboard with them on Monday, and feedbacked them "you know, you are not very good on returning calls".
He was quiet for a while, listening to a bunch of excuses coming from the other side of the line, and proceeded to let them know it's important to, like, call back, when they promise to do so.
And you know what's amuses me the most?
While they put you on hold, they have this recorded phone message that informs you with a deep radiophonic voice, "S&G has been exceeding or meeting customers expectations for over 40 years" .
Hmm... no wonder they say "Has been", and not "is".
I am now working hard on myself to detaching all that from the installers. I truly hope the installation itself will not yield a whole new bunch of venting blogposts.
Just for the record, I did my share of the painting as well, fair and square. However, The JohnnyB does not believe in mixing business and photography, hence he's the only one who got digitally documented.
Labels: This Old House, Venting
Saturday, September 01, 2007
'Coz I'm Busy!
That's why this blog ceased to be lively and oftenish.
One major reason, probably the main one, is my time being hungrily consumed by being the president of our art association. But - I am finally starting to learn to say "No", or "Not now", or "What a good idea, you are very welcome to do it yourself", teaching myself to delegate, and putting priorities on when to do what. I am getting better at making sure to not fully give up on my life. I mean, hell, it's a volunteer job, I am not getting paid, and I seem to be the only one who can do this job (in the sense that there is nobody else is stupid enough to say "Sure, I'll do it!"). So, even if everyone wants to see everything happen right now, well - tough. Things that were neglected for 3 years can wait a few more months. Nobody's going to die, the world will not come to an end. And I do not fancy a panic attack (and I was pretty close to one of those last week). So there.
Still, there are events to plan (our association has the charming trait of having everything happen at during the last quarter of the year, and then have an arid period...). The issue-packed annual all-member meeting is coming up, the holiday party needs to be planned, and - above all, our annual show is coming up in October! And I don't think I'll manage to paint something for that show. That just sucks! not just a matter of time, but of all my creative juices being drained by the stress. I guess I'll have to revert to a painting I did last year, which does not make me happy at all, but may at least keep me sane. Come to think of it, I haven't really painted even one good watercolor this year (except for those small self-portrait studies, which are really small...). I did much better at collages, but since ours is a watercolor organization, I cannot show it.
There's another annual show at a different art society, that is about art in general, and I have 3 pieces there: my self-portrait collage, the "Global Warming" watercolor, and a real cool photograph. Feels so good to not be restricted to one medium!!
So, I need to get framing (always a stressful situation!).
And, there is also life outside of the art world. We are starting the re-flooring saga!!! And no, not by Expo. Hell no! That experience was enough to embrace S&G with both arms.
So, instead of the impressively ugly and dirty carpet that The JohnnyB has been living with for the past 10 years (only 5.5 years for me, luckily), our living room will be getting a beautiful laminate floor. And, those not-as-bad-yet-still-annoying old fashion tiles will be replaced by laminate in the corridor, and with a truly gorgeous vinyl in the hall bathroom. That vinyl will also adorn my studio, and it looks so much like tiles, we had to check it several times at the store. I love it, it looks a lot like Jerusalem stone, which is what I grew up with (the real thing, that is), and I really, truly can't wait to have it done.
One catch, though: all this makeover means packing half the house and storing it in the other half for about a week...
That means packing my studio!!!
I spent weeks being horrified (to say the least) by the mere thought. But today, in joint forces, The JohnnyB and I packed the big cabinet that holds all my art supplies (and makes any artist who sees it weep with envy - it's the ultimate wet dream for storing art supplies!). Later, while The JohnnyB was enjoying his sacred beauty nap, I continued on my own and packed the books galore that fill the generous shelving unit. So, I am 80% done with the studio, more than a week beforehand, and it wasn't nearly as painful as I imagined!
AND, yesterday, the friendly installng boss from S&G (Chuck? Chad??) dropped baseboards in our garage, for us to paint so they match the color of the wall. How exciting - painting baseboards, Wooohoooo!
And so, between all these, plus the damned heat in the past 2 weeks, I am dead tired, quite stressed up, and not feeling very creative rather than reporting on everything that needs to be done. Which yielded this fascinating, thrilling and spellbinding post.
And how are you?
Labels: This Old House, Venting
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Death of a Salesman - The Sequel
You see, we had to go back to Expo to return the carpet samples we took. We just had to. I didn't have it in me to go there on my own, so we headed there this morning, carrying the precious samples (for which you pay $25 each in case you loose/damage or are just late).
We walked in, The JohnnyB praying with increasing fervor, with all his agnostic might, that Sales Dude is having a day off. Like, it doesn't make sense that he'll work 2 Saturdays in a row, right?
Wrong.
There he was, welcoming us with a grin.
I choked the wild laughter that was starting to erupt inside me. He is, after all, like, a blog hero, and, like, without even knowing that he is, and, like, what do I do if he goes into another, like, awesome monologue? Like - Wha?
The mere thought made me snicker wildly, and I saw that The JohnnyB is also making an effort to look serious. (actually, it was easier for him, as the poor guy woke up sick, with a sore throat, and is getting more and more miserable by the hour). Eventually, I managed to go back to a relatively dignified, straight face. (not without a price, though; my bitten lips still carry the scars).
The JohnnyB handed the samples to Sales Dude, who asked, "So, did these work for you at all?".
"Not really", replied The JohnnyB.
- Sales Dude took the goods and tore a page out of the sample-taking-prospect-customers binder.
- - And Sales Dude took a deep breath.
- - - And Sales Dude said:
"So you know that our special free measurement ends tomorrow July 29 and I can - - - ""No", I cut him - quite abruptly - in mid-sentence (more like the first-millionth-of-sentence, in his case). "We decided we're not going to do it".
"Oh?", he said with utter shock.
"Yes", I confirmed (feeling a bit guilty; after all, he must have had A LOT to say, and think of all that wasted oxygen he breathed in). "So, we're all clear, right?".
"Right", he said, defeated.
"Good bye, then", I said.
And we ran. We ran out as fast as we could to the exit door, stumbling upon shiny sinks and bathtubs and carpets and tiles and chandeliers and appliances on sale and salesman who greeted us from every corner. With screeching breaks, we left the Expo plaza, accelerated onto the freeway and sped home, leaving a cloud of dust behind us, never looking back.
The JohnnyB was a bit upset with me, saying, "You didn't really have to lie to him".
Lie???
All I said was, "We decided we're not going to do it".
The pronoun "it", generally used for inanimate objects and abstractions, is a very powerful word. No wonder The Knights Who Say Ni were cringing with fear every time King Arthur used it.
'it', as used in my sentence, could be intepreted in so many ways, starting with 'we decided to not carpet our floors' (which would indeed be a lie), through 'we decided to not got for the Expo measurement' (closer to the truth), all the way to 'we decided to not have that sex-change operation after all'.
I have no control on how Sales Dude chose to interpret it, Eh?
At any rate, it's gonna be a long, long time before we go to Expo again.
Labels: Languages, People, This Old House
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Death of a Salesman (Well, Almost...)
For a couple of weeks now, we are on the verge of embarking on a long journey of a house makeover. (Oh yeah, lots and lots of 'Venting' labeled posts to come, that's for sure).
Today, we went to Expo, looking for carpets. Although The JohnnyB said it twice, I honestly thought he was joking or being sarcastic, so I had no idea Expo actually is the higher end of HomeDepot. (Between this and seasonal cookies, I still do have a lot to learn!).
We drive to Expo, walked through some scary showrooms, and - with a sigh (I hate carpets!!!), we started to browse through their selection.
Then, he approached us.
- -A sales dude.
- - - And the sales dude took a deep breath.
Like, Advil, anyone?
Labels: People, This Old House
