Monday, May 19, 2008
Boilin'
As I mentioned in the previous post, a visitor from Israel is on her way to us as I write: my one and only sister, whom I haven't seen in a year.
First time in the US, she stopped in NYC to see the wonders of the Big Apple and get acquainted to Dr. Pepper (a discovery that made her very excited, and I believe by now she's hopelessly addicted to this red stuff).
She is our very first visitor who is not The JohnnyB related, but my own blood. It's about time, and yes, I am excited. She is coming for four weeks, and JimmyB (the JohnnyB's brother) totally freaked when he heard that number. He reacted by almost choking, then got into a chant, "Did you say four weeks? FOUR?? wow, four weeks... y'know, four weeks is a very long time. VERY long. Four weeks - I mean, three weeks is a long time, but four - whew, that's a long visit. Four weeks is really a very long time". Eventually, I somehow sensed that he is, kinda, trying to subtly hint that a four week visit might be long, but I'm not quite sure yet. I may have been wrong. He was so genuinely horrified, that I assured him that when we visit them, we'll only come for, say, three and a half weeks. I dunno why he started crying...
Anyway - it all depends who the guest is. Sometimes, a two-day visit can seem like an eternity in hell, while a month's visit can pass too quickly. And, since my sister is my best friend, I am not worried.
Would have been much better if I hadn't been knocked down most of last week with this miserable virus, because - as a result, The JohnnyB and I spent the better part of the weekend frantically preparing the house for her arrival. Whenever we have a visitor, we try to make the guest room as inviting and cozy as can be. Now, converting a den into a guest room is enough work as it is; but this time, we also had to slave in the kitchen.
Because my sister keeps kosher.
And because we, hmm... don't.
And the world of Jewish kosherness is oh so endlessly intricate.
For us, it started with a whole lot of shopping for pans.And plates.
And flatware (just learned this word yesterday!!).
Oh, and spatulas.
And wooden spoons.
Oooops - and cutting boards.
And knives.
And an additional set of flatware.
And containers for leftovers.
And . . .
The domino effect is extreme, as you keep realizing you need more and more stuff... you go through the motions of cooking one meal in your head in order to figure out what will be needed for the big production, and you just go nuts!
Now, add to it all the fact that you need two of everything - one for dairy, one for meat (*).
To prevent us from qualifying for the stimulus package, we stopped the shopping frenzy at pots. The JohnnyB spent 3 hours this morning baptizing all our precious Calphalon pots and a bunch of plates and utensils in boiling waters in order to make them fit for the non-shellfish eater - he even has the burns to prove it! (hmm... maybe baptizing is the wrong word under such circumstances?).
While he was boiling the hell out of everything, we also created separate areas to assure that dairy and meat never ever meet again in public (for the next month, that is), and invested quality time in more riveting activities (such as trying to find kosher chicken and figuring out what fish are OK and which are unmentionable. No sturgeon, and alas - no clam chowder in San Francisco. Can you imagine visiting Pier 39 without trying this mandatory dish? or a crab salad?).
For two atheists (actually, only one; The JohnnyB claims to be an Agnostic), doing all this seems, well, y'know... but we are still doing it, as my sister is one of the very few people who actually deserves this kind of pain-in-the-butt preparations (Yes, she is this amazing!).
But hey - I reserve the right to whine about it... and my friends here are having a field day on my account. The always-supportive MembieK assured me that my entertainment value has increased significantly in the past week or so.
And so, after this laborious weekend, The JohnnyB and I had the last supper (well, sort of) of his signature pasta and shrimp. So long, sweet pink critters - till June 16th...
(*) For those of you who are befuddled by the dairy-meat thingy, here's a little story (which I am sure is true) of what was the original humane intent, and how it got overanalyzed and complicated. And, while you're enjoying this little bit of invaluable information, I'll continue to do the last minute cleaning and stuff. She lands in less than 3 hours!!!
God: "Moses, do whatever the hell you want......."A dialogue while Moses is at the top of Mount Sinai:
God: "And remember, Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel."
Moses: "Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat Together."
God: "No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk. It IS cruel."
Moses: "Oh, Lord, forgive my ignorance. What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs."
God: "No, Moses, what I'm saying is, don't cook a calf in it's mother's milk. IT'S CRUEL!!!"
Moses: "Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside...."
And so, that is how it all started...
Labels: Culture, Desecration, Family, Food, People
Now I remember that dialog!
And last time I heard it, I didn't know Moses last name. He was born Moshe Attia, wasn't he?
תלעגיתלעגי!! ...ומי מי מי התיר לך לגנוב ת'בדיחה ולהניף אותה לעולם הוירטואלי בלי לבקש אישור, הא
# posted by 
: 5/21/2008 6:13 PM
WELCOME NAVA'S SISTER!!
And your adventure in culinary pursuits reminds me strongly of how people have to prepare for me as a celiac to visit. This is why I love going to my brother's house .. they are celiac too.
I hope you have a great time, and I don't think 4 weeks is a long time. Sounds short for a sister you haven't seen in a year.
I didn't know you were/are an atheist?! Where have I been?!
Anyway, I have to say, you are a way cool sister to do this for her!!!!!!
# posted by : 5/24/2008 7:28 AM
Methinks ol' Mosey did huff too much o' that burnin' bush.
Yup. ;) Nice story!
And enjoy your next 3 & a half weeks!
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And last time I heard it, I didn't know Moses last name. He was born Moshe Attia, wasn't he?
: 5/21/2008 6:13 PM And your adventure in culinary pursuits reminds me strongly of how people have to prepare for me as a celiac to visit. This is why I love going to my brother's house .. they are celiac too.
I hope you have a great time, and I don't think 4 weeks is a long time. Sounds short for a sister you haven't seen in a year.
Anyway, I have to say, you are a way cool sister to do this for her!!!!!!
: 5/24/2008 7:28 AM Yup. ;) Nice story!
And enjoy your next 3 & a half weeks!
