Wednesday, December 19, 2007
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
WebbieM sent this to me, in the spirit of the season.
I can sooooooo relate it's scary! (Oh, and we do have a Christmas, uhm, Holiday, oopps, Annual Party coming up...).
Enjoy, rejoice and - happy Political Correctness y'all!
The Company Christmas Party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 11, 2007
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
- - -
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 12, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
- - -
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 13, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
- - -
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 14, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
- - -
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*ing Employees
DATE: December 15, 2007
RE: The F*ing Holiday Party
Vegetarian pr*cks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bi*tch from HELL!!!!!!!!
- - -
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 16, 2007
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Labels: Desecration, Holidays, Joke, Meta Bloggin', People
Anak !!! (and for those of you who do not understand the meaning of the word 'Anak' – you can sit near the salad bar)
# posted by 
: 12/19/2007 11:41 PM
Personally I would prefer hummus to Xmas pudding (do you have them in the US?) any day ... Even while sitting at the table with the flowers..
# posted by : 12/20/2007 3:08 AM
I'd be eating the steak, dripping with once vital juices, and a nice hummus appetizer, followed by cherry-cheesecake all washed down with wine Or beer; 'pending on what I started with.
AND my atheistical self will be soul-singing xtian-based carols, and anything else someone else starts, all while wishin' everyone La Chaim!, Sretan Bosic!, Joyus Noel!, Na Zdrovje!, Happy Holidays!, Merry Xmas! (pronounced EXmas sometimes, others more normally.)
I just hope I don't kiss more girls than guys.
;-)
Happy Holidays!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home
: 12/19/2007 11:41 PM : 12/20/2007 3:08 AM AND my atheistical self will be soul-singing xtian-based carols, and anything else someone else starts, all while wishin' everyone La Chaim!, Sretan Bosic!, Joyus Noel!, Na Zdrovje!, Happy Holidays!, Merry Xmas! (pronounced EXmas sometimes, others more normally.)
I just hope I don't kiss more girls than guys.
;-)
Happy Holidays!!!
