Thursday, April 05, 2007
The Bare Truth 'bout The Bare Hands
On Monday, The JohnnyB and I were invited to do the Passover Seder at MembieM's.
Being my very first Seder in English, it was a novel experience. I was the only Israeli at the table, everyone else being American Jews (actually, there were two non-Jews, so The JohnnyB had someone to commiserate with).
It was a truly nice and friendly group of people, great food and not-too-long a ceremony, during which The JohnnyB showed that he can read Hebrew far better than the other guests could read their alliterated Haggada (which was sooooooo cool!).
The JohnnyB also thoroughly enjoyed having a captivated audience for his beer-wine-traveling tales.
I, however, was sitting at a different spot...
Alas, if only I knew!
Being from Israel, I guess I should start getting used to the fact that some people here expect me to provide answers to every question they have about the land of milk and honey, starting with "So, what is going to happen with the Hammas?", through "Why do they keep Ariel Sharon alive?", to the ultimate one: "Have you served in the army?".
Usually, I do not have answers to these questions.
It's like one of you Americans visiting Europe, and being asked "So, what is going to happen with Iraq?".
I mean, it's not like you are the one who personally started this peculiar mess, Eh?
(Well... unless you voted for Bush... then it's a whole different story).
Anyway, I was asked these three questions by one of the guests, a very keen man with piercing eyes.
As usual, I stuttered in response to the first two.
The fact is that most of those who ask these questions, do not really want to hear my opinion. They want to tell me theirs, and how they have the solution, and how it is so simple, and how they really want to go visit Israel, but they-are-waiting-until-it's-more-quiet-"there"-maybe-next-year-in-god's-will - - - and I always find myself holding back and not saying "Well, why don't you go live in Israel then, if you have all the answers and you care so much?". (Who knows, perhaps one day I will actually say that out loud. Better have my camera ready, to capture the expression).
Itchy (well, she got rid of her weird allergy attack, but I like the name, and so shall she remain to the blogoshpere) gave me a good advice: "Just say you do not wish to discuss politics".
As simple as that!
OK, next time.
But - when I am asked the third question, "Have you served in the army?", I proudly say, "Yes!".
That's because I have.
For two years.
Two incredible years, that - apart from making me refuse to wear green ever again - were full of experiences and new people (and many cute exciting guys), that opened my eyes to so many things.
So, as I was getting all nostalgic and doe-eyed, the inquirer added, "So, you know how to kill a man!".
"Excuse me!?", I asked - quite surprised, mind you.
"They taught you how to kill a man, Ha?", he added with a fervent look in his eyes.
"No", I declined.
"Of course they did!", he educated me.
"No, they didn't", I started to get annoyed. (and who the hell are "they", anyway!?).
"I think what he is trying to say is that you learned to use a rifle", interfered a sweet woman who sat opposite me, trying to help me out.
"No!!", corrected her the blood-thirsty man impatiently, "they taught you to kill a man!".
He then added with passion, "Not just with a gun!! Also with your hands!!!".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - -
O K - - -
How do you respond to that?
No, seriously!
My spontaneous reply (after a quick deep breath) was: "No, I was NOT taught any of this. I will be very happy to try it right now, but I was not a combat soldier, therefore I only know how to use a gun just 'cause every soldier does".
"Yes, you were taught", he assured me with a knowing look.
At which point, I got up and went to get dessert. (wishing for a second that they would have taught me that...)
Like, WTF?
And only today I recalled that someone else is certain that I have this feminine charming trait.
OK now, what is wrong with you, American men?
What on earth makes you think that Israeli women can kill with our bare hands?
Is it some unexplainable fantasy you have?
You into Asphyxophilia?
W H A T??
Sorry to be a party pooper to y'all, but let me officially declare, here and now, that NO, I can not kill with my bare hands.
I only kill with my tongue.
First thing: When he said "Not just with a gun!! Also with your hands!!!" did he act out a strangulation with his own hands? Because I pictured he did.
As far as picturing Israeli women as killing machines, I have yet to be exposed to this phenomenon, but would agree that it must be a fetish.
I am sad to say he did not, so I am deprived of the "how to". He did keep laying his very tight feast on the table in a strongarmish way.
Killing machines, Eh?
I suppose I ruined dream, although my glaring eyes might have compensated for that.
"I got up and went to get dessert"
that is not only a lovely statement but one that I can truly admire.
# posted by 
: 4/05/2007 1:12 AM
Rhonda, hon, what are you doing up so late on a school night?
Go back to sleep, it's my shift now :-)
I wonder: why do you admire this statement?
It's spring break here in ole Janesville, WI! I have a tendency to have sleeping disorders...
I like the quiet though...
because dessert all of sudden became a good excuse for you to leave the weird questioning...
;)
# posted by : 4/05/2007 2:22 AM
That is so cool - I was just leaving a comment on your blog, Rhonda!!! :-)
I think we'd both better go to sleep now. but I agree, there is something magical about being up when it's quiet all around.
I like the way you think. They were great desserts, and after that there was only one additional questioning session, and w'all went home.
It was weird. V-e-r-y weird. On the verge of disturbing, actually.
And quite suffocating,I have to admit.
But now it makes a great story.
So, where DO they teach to kill with bare hands?... If that is the perception, I might as well go for it, Eh?
ok Mark just got up to visit the bathroom.
I had to tell him you were up still...I read him your post cuz yes you do win the stupidest thing said category. He told me to tell you he had a good laugh at 4 a.m.!!!
# posted by : 4/05/2007 2:38 AM
I like Mark :-)
Good night to you two.
Better go fall asleep to The JohnnyB's musical snores. Where did I put my earplugs!?
we're laughing here...
Mark says, keep them in fear...
describe the neck snapping class you took.
honestly though...it's ridiculous and it's not something people think of Israeli women.
too weird.
# posted by : 4/05/2007 2:42 AM
If I could only keep a straight face and speak English at the same time... Actually, I believe I can.
Neck-snapping class, Eh? I love it!What a great idea - I might give it a try someday.
Don't they teach you Krav Maga in the IDF? Maybe that's where the kill-with-your-bare-hands mythology comes from. Or is that just purely a self-defense method?
# posted by : 4/05/2007 5:43 AM
Apparently, the rumors of the IDF going completely soft are true. They don't teach women how to kill with their bare hands anymore. I sure hope they still teach the men.
Unless they've watered it down, Krav Maga is not a self-defense-only art, what with one of the basic principles being "go from defending to attacking as quickly as possible". The utter domination of Krav Maga practitioners in the early days of Ultimate Fighting is what I think really popularized the mystique of the IDF in the US, and thus established the assumption that anyone who served in the Israeli Army can kill you with his or her bare hands.
EE - no idea who you are, so how can I respond, Eh?
And to CherkyB, congratulations!! you have just learned your two first Hebrew words!!
Sorry, I don't have a blog of my own. I found yours through Blueberry's blog. I'm a middle-aged American Jewish woman. I do have family in Herzilya but I've never been to Israel.
# posted by : 4/05/2007 1:10 PM
Hi, EE, and welcome :-)
I was not taught Krav Maga in the IDF. They might teach it now (my IDF days were over 20 years ago), but I don't think they teach it to each and every soldier.
What I find funny is that people who have no clue (other than mythologies and stories) argue with those who have actually been there.
It would be like me arguing with an astronaut about the best way to walk on the moon. I would, like, listen to what he says and accept that he knows better.
HAPPY PASSOVER!!!
"Well... unless you voted for Bush... then it's a whole different story"
I just KNEW I liked you.
And I don't know diddly about Israel, but I'm so stupid that I don't even understand the questions I should (not) ask a genuine in the flesh Israeli.
Well I am not a voter (yet), but I know whom should have not been voted for.
Stupid? You??
Somehow, I doubt it.
If you don't know diddly (love that word!) about Israel, let me start your education right here and now:
Israel is a state where not every woman can kill a man with her bare hands.
That was lesson #1, that some people just don't seem to get.
All this could be avoided if one of the fundamental tenets of Krav Maga was not "never admit you were trained in this." So, really, your protests are a lot like when a used car salesman tells us the car really was owned by a little old lady.
Sorry, CherkyB.
I cannot discuss this.
If I might quote the highly reliable Scooter:
"the fact that John is still alive is proof of what you say".
I rest my case.
Or to the fact that The JohnnyB's neck is too thick for strangulation by my delicate artistic hands.
See, if I were The JohnnyB or Cavagnaro, I would add a "Note to self" here, but I am not.
I like your first comment more (the one with the Freudian typo, that you deleted).
my first answer would be "yes, can you help me demonstrate?"
another option would be "unlike you, we actually know how precious life is, and we lost enough friends to the task of protecting our existance against people, who like you, think that it's cool to kill".
if i was into my 4th glass of the Seder, maybe i would have said "so you prefer to be the slave, and the woman the dominant?! Hmmm. Didn't we sing in the Hagada "avadim hayinu, avadim, ata beni horin... i see, you are still in the slave stage".
# posted by : 4/05/2007 9:04 PM
Alas, Itchy, I never made it past the first half of the first glass of wine. I'm not a big drinker.
Maybe I should have.
I have no desire to be able to kill with my bare hands, or with my tongue either. I want to be able to kill with my brain. Now THAT'S scary! heh, heh. ;-)
How about with your feet? I would think kickboxing in spiked heels would do the trick.
Never wore spike heels, or real heels. When you're 1.76cm (Ah, that would be 5.8, Eh?), you don't really need to kill your feet with those. And then, when you want to wear them some day, you realize you cannot quite walk on these thingies.
So, I'll stick with my tongue.
And keyboard.
Both involving brain, mind you.
1.76cm is pretty damned short. Like 0.7 inches. That's the problem with the metric system - no one understands it.
OK, OK - 1.76 meters.
Gheeze, you make one typo once in your life, and you get lynched for it.
1.76m, 176 cm, 5.8 feet.
I think that covers it.
Since I'm still here, Nava can kill with her hands.
That must be the smell that's coming from the garden - I thought it was just the compost I added.
No wonder Nava's interest in gardening always seemed a bit hit or miss...
Yeah, well... time will tell.
Perhaps you're having an even better compost than you ever realized, Eh?
Who is MembieM?
Who is CherkieB?
And the bottom line – I think you have to get use to the fact that it is simply your look of a “Natural born Killer’ That immediately gives them the impression that your are a killer. Don’t they know that in Gelilot they train the best killer ?
# posted by : 4/07/2007 11:30 PM
Gil, how can you claim to be reading my blog if you do not know who CherkyB is?
And thank you for your compliment about my looks... You don't look too had yourself, fellow natural killer :-)
HI, Nava:
Thanks goodness one can separate individuals from governments, and can disagree with, or disapprove of, the latters' policies while recognizing that the nations' individuals are good people!
How else could one bear to be an American with the present Administration!!
# posted by : 4/16/2007 1:24 PM
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As far as picturing Israeli women as killing machines, I have yet to be exposed to this phenomenon, but would agree that it must be a fetish.
Killing machines, Eh?
I suppose I ruined dream, although my glaring eyes might have compensated for that.
that is not only a lovely statement but one that I can truly admire.
: 4/05/2007 1:12 AM Go back to sleep, it's my shift now :-)
I wonder: why do you admire this statement?
I like the quiet though...
because dessert all of sudden became a good excuse for you to leave the weird questioning...
;)
: 4/05/2007 2:22 AM I think we'd both better go to sleep now. but I agree, there is something magical about being up when it's quiet all around.
I like the way you think. They were great desserts, and after that there was only one additional questioning session, and w'all went home.
It was weird. V-e-r-y weird. On the verge of disturbing, actually.
And quite suffocating,I have to admit.
But now it makes a great story.
So, where DO they teach to kill with bare hands?... If that is the perception, I might as well go for it, Eh?
I had to tell him you were up still...I read him your post cuz yes you do win the stupidest thing said category. He told me to tell you he had a good laugh at 4 a.m.!!!
: 4/05/2007 2:38 AM Good night to you two.
Better go fall asleep to The JohnnyB's musical snores. Where did I put my earplugs!?
Mark says, keep them in fear...
describe the neck snapping class you took.
honestly though...it's ridiculous and it's not something people think of Israeli women.
too weird.
: 4/05/2007 2:42 AM Neck-snapping class, Eh? I love it!What a great idea - I might give it a try someday.
: 4/05/2007 5:43 AM Unless they've watered it down, Krav Maga is not a self-defense-only art, what with one of the basic principles being "go from defending to attacking as quickly as possible". The utter domination of Krav Maga practitioners in the early days of Ultimate Fighting is what I think really popularized the mystique of the IDF in the US, and thus established the assumption that anyone who served in the Israeli Army can kill you with his or her bare hands.
And to CherkyB, congratulations!! you have just learned your two first Hebrew words!!
: 4/05/2007 1:10 PM I was not taught Krav Maga in the IDF. They might teach it now (my IDF days were over 20 years ago), but I don't think they teach it to each and every soldier.
What I find funny is that people who have no clue (other than mythologies and stories) argue with those who have actually been there.
It would be like me arguing with an astronaut about the best way to walk on the moon. I would, like, listen to what he says and accept that he knows better.
HAPPY PASSOVER!!!
I just KNEW I liked you.
And I don't know diddly about Israel, but I'm so stupid that I don't even understand the questions I should (not) ask a genuine in the flesh Israeli.
Stupid? You??
Somehow, I doubt it.
If you don't know diddly (love that word!) about Israel, let me start your education right here and now:
Israel is a state where not every woman can kill a man with her bare hands.
That was lesson #1, that some people just don't seem to get.
I cannot discuss this.
If I might quote the highly reliable Scooter:
"the fact that John is still alive is proof of what you say".
I rest my case.
See, if I were The JohnnyB or Cavagnaro, I would add a "Note to self" here, but I am not.
I like your first comment more (the one with the Freudian typo, that you deleted).
another option would be "unlike you, we actually know how precious life is, and we lost enough friends to the task of protecting our existance against people, who like you, think that it's cool to kill".
if i was into my 4th glass of the Seder, maybe i would have said "so you prefer to be the slave, and the woman the dominant?! Hmmm. Didn't we sing in the Hagada "avadim hayinu, avadim, ata beni horin... i see, you are still in the slave stage".
: 4/05/2007 9:04 PM Maybe I should have.
How about with your feet? I would think kickboxing in spiked heels would do the trick.
So, I'll stick with my tongue.
And keyboard.
Both involving brain, mind you.
Gheeze, you make one typo once in your life, and you get lynched for it.
1.76m, 176 cm, 5.8 feet.
I think that covers it.
That must be the smell that's coming from the garden - I thought it was just the compost I added.
No wonder Nava's interest in gardening always seemed a bit hit or miss...
Perhaps you're having an even better compost than you ever realized, Eh?
Who is CherkieB?
And the bottom line – I think you have to get use to the fact that it is simply your look of a “Natural born Killer’ That immediately gives them the impression that your are a killer. Don’t they know that in Gelilot they train the best killer ?
: 4/07/2007 11:30 PM And thank you for your compliment about my looks... You don't look too had yourself, fellow natural killer :-)
Thanks goodness one can separate individuals from governments, and can disagree with, or disapprove of, the latters' policies while recognizing that the nations' individuals are good people!
How else could one bear to be an American with the present Administration!!
: 4/16/2007 1:24 PM 
