Tuesday, April 24, 2007
To Whom It May Concern...
As several of you have shown concern: No birds were harmed during the writing of this blogpost.
Just some rough moments.
- - - Well, hours . . .
- - - - - - - - . . . uhm, more like days . . .
- - - - - - - - - - - - . . . OK - couple of weeks, when everything seemed too much to bear.
I was quite concerned, as I was obviously overreacting to every tiny stupid thing, until it suddenly hit me: I was probably reliving this exact time, a year ago!
And then, it all made sense.
It was a big "Duh!" revelation moment, which made me feel so much better; almost relieved; not at all happier, but I realized that feeling so low was very OK.
As, there was - and there still is - a reason.
This week, exactly one year ago (going by the Hebrew calendar - which I don't usually do), I was visiting my home land, watching my mom die in a surreal fast-slow motion, feeling, well, a whole variety of emotions, as you can imagine. Helplessness, weakness, orphan-ness, heartbreak, stupid silly hope, anger, regret, helplessness, missing, helplessness...
Five excruciating days of suffering and agony (well, I witnessed only five. My sister was there for many more).And then - after an endless terrible night that will forever stay with me, she was gone.
Two days after the Independence Day of Israel (which is today).
And I only figured it out on Sunday morning, as I was starting to prepare for our choral group's performance at the Israel Memorial Day ceremony.
Apparently, it was all subconscious. Herds of emotions running underneath the surface, without even one of them bothering to stop for a second, and inform me what is going on, clue me in, y'know, out of courtesy.
But emotions never do. It's part of their charm.
One year - went by so quickly, and yet, sometimes feels like it happened yesterday.
So, no birds were harmed.
Just one mother.
Mine.
A year ago.
- - -
Labels: Family
# posted by Nava @ 1:45 AM 
Comments:
There are no words. We love you.
She would be proud of all you are and all you do.
# posted by 
: 4/24/2007 8:00 AM
There's no way to understand what it's like to lose your mother until you go through it yourself. It's a loss like no other one. After only a year, it is just like yesterday. Mine died in 1993 after 15 years of illness and a whole year in hospice (giving up smoking is something I suggest to EVERYONE. If lung cancer or heart attack doesn't get you, then emphysema most certainly will - and it's a slow but sure one)
Take care of yourself. The passage of time helps put things into perspective, and heals the emotions.
Not having lost a parent...yet, I have to say that it may be the thing I'm dreading most in my life right now. Like you though, I often find my mind drifting to the reletives I've lost. Lately, I've been thinking about my Grandfather who died 25 years ago last month.
Take care.
# posted by : 4/24/2007 1:26 PM
(( hug ))
This happens to Wheeler too, on the anniversary of his injury, which is 19 years ago next month. For the week before, he gets moody and introspective, sad, and then realizes that its "the" day coming up.
May your mother ((rest in peace))
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She would be proud of all you are and all you do.
# posted by : 4/24/2007 8:00 AM
: 4/24/2007 8:00 AM Take care of yourself. The passage of time helps put things into perspective, and heals the emotions.
Take care.
# posted by : 4/24/2007 1:26 PM
: 4/24/2007 1:26 PM This happens to Wheeler too, on the anniversary of his injury, which is 19 years ago next month. For the week before, he gets moody and introspective, sad, and then realizes that its "the" day coming up.
May your mother ((rest in peace))
