Sunday, July 22, 2007
Death of a Salesman (Well, Almost...)
For a couple of weeks now, we are on the verge of embarking on a long journey of a house makeover. (Oh yeah, lots and lots of 'Venting' labeled posts to come, that's for sure).
Today, we went to Expo, looking for carpets. Although The JohnnyB said it twice, I honestly thought he was joking or being sarcastic, so I had no idea Expo actually is the higher end of HomeDepot. (Between this and seasonal cookies, I still do have a lot to learn!).
We drive to Expo, walked through some scary showrooms, and - with a sigh (I hate carpets!!!), we started to browse through their selection.
Then, he approached us.
- -A sales dude.
- - - And the sales dude took a deep breath.
- - --And the sales dude said:
Hello how are you today how can I help you are you looking at carpets Oh you are looking at carpets I see are you looking for like wool or nylon what are you looking for Ah Berber let me see let me show you this ah you want loop not pile OK maybe this one it has a nice pattern to it Oh how about that one I see you are looking at this like this is the top name in carpets it has a 20 year warranty are you working with a contractor 'cause our installers are [brandname] certified only 40% of carpet installers are [brandname] certified like ours are not just people from the street you know how it is you hear a word of mouth from someone and then like it's a bad job and you are all like Oh No like we give you warranty and are you also looking into remodeling other parts of the house 'cause like we have this awesome deal on appliances now like if you need appliances and if you are like redoing your bathrooms like we have this deal that ends tomorrow in which like you meet with our designers and they like sit with you for just $750 that you end up getting back once you buy things in more than like $5000 and then like they sit with you like in your house and they like help you design your house like how you want to do your kitchen and maybe your bathrooms like you need new sinks and a new countertop and a new faucet and like maybe you want a Jacuzzi and like the bathtub and maybe you want like the SPA like feeling so you get these chandeliers like it looks awesome then you like go to our lighting department and like you work with three departments at the same time it's like not hard at all the designers they like help you design everything you want because they are not just people from the street like they went to design schools and all and they can help you like this you know this carpet has a nice color and you like clean it and if you get our extended warranty for like just $200 or maximum $400 like if you had the whole house carpeted like from the basement to the ceiling ha ha like you get a free cleaning kit and 3 professional cleaning like it's the top can we sign you up for an estimate ''cause is free until July 29th usually it's $100 like if you also are looking into kitchen counters we have this special deal until August 1st and if you use the Expo credit card like you can apply for it now we have a special deal it's only until mid August you don't pay for like 12 months like we have so much things in this store like the first time you come here you are like WOW like this is so awesome yes today is my birthday but I am working today 'cause like I get out at 6:30pm the latest and like I can still hang out with friends and family in the evening and my co-workers threw a party for me yesterday it was just awesome and this evening I am going to a BBQ with my family 'cause last year my birthday was like skipped 'cause my best friend got married on that same day like I was all Oh how could you do this to me like on my golden birthday so this year is to compensate for that like how cool is that my parents are from Portugal I've actually been to Brazil San Paolo wasn't fun because like there's poverty and like you should not wear jewelry and like women need to walk with their purse not facing the road 'cause they like come on motorcycles and like whooosh rip it from the shoulder like that's 'cause of the high crime rate 'cause they have so much poverty there like it's sad but hey but Rio Oh is so awesome like you can actually stay at a hotel near Copacabana and just walk to the beach like walk and hang out with a Mai Tai like it was so awesome it was like paradise and like can I sign you for the carpet measuring like it's free if you sign up until July 29th like you can take samples now and bring them back in 5 days oh and flying in Portugal to the islands like I kid you not it was like this little airplane that had 24 people like the engines sounded like a washing machine I kid you not this small I was like Oh No so should I sign you up for the free measurement 'cause usually it's $100 but it's free if you sign for it until July 29th - -
Like, Advil, anyone?
Labels: People, This Old House
# posted by Nava @ 3:23 PM 
Comments:
Wowww, like "oh, my Godddddd," like was he for real? He has seriously got to be, like the worse salesman EVER!!! Ya' know what I mean, like for real. Like I'm totally amazed you kept your cool, man. You're like too awesome, dude!
P.S. Don't forget I'm on the hook for half the cost of the carpet, since it was our cat that peed indiscriminately (like for real).
# posted by 
: 7/22/2007 6:22 PM
Yeah, for real he was, alas.
The JohnnyB walked away to look at more carpets, while I withstood the monologue, and kept telling myself "Like, that's gonna be an awesome blog, like, I kid you not!".
In fact, at some point we actually encouraged him with more questions, as we were actually starting to enjoy it! The sick minds of bloggers, Eh...
Put the guy out of his misery!
Can you imagine living with someone like that?!!!!!
SCREAM.............
# posted by : 7/22/2007 7:08 PM
Like, I kid you not, that sales dude really did talk ike that, all the time, and almost without ever stopping, except for that one time, no really, that one and only time, when he actually breathed - like it was almost impossible to even keep up with just listening to him, but he was actually talking that fast, over and over and over.
Or perhaps something stronger than Advil. Say, I hit your link in my comments and saw your "YMCA" Jesus! Fabo!
Like, WOW! lol!
Try puttin' that on a T-Shirt!
Oh yah, so, like, do you guys, like, you know, like, actually buy any carpeting from him?
I don't know why you'd ever buy carpet at Expo. They're very pricey, and Home Depot uses largely unlicensed installers. The best place to buy carpet is Carpet Club, though it's run by a Persian, so you gotta be able to negotiate Persian-style.
"Oh yah, so, like, do you guys, like, you know, like, actually buy any carpeting from him?"
I sure hope we won't have to. Unless, like, that's the only place that has an awesome carpet and, like, we are all, like, Oh My God, that is so awesome, like, y'know.
OMG... I would have need Advil and a couple of drinks.. LOL TOO FUNNY... Surprising that guy must have a cousin here in st louis at the furniture store I went to last week.. hahah
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holding my sides laughing*
We don't have Expo here in the south, the land of the two teeths. :)
At the end of this, you should have said, "I don't believe you."
"You don't believe what?"
"That your parents were Portuguese."
Post a Comment
<< Home
P.S. Don't forget I'm on the hook for half the cost of the carpet, since it was our cat that peed indiscriminately (like for real).
# posted by : 7/22/2007 6:22 PM
: 7/22/2007 6:22 PM The JohnnyB walked away to look at more carpets, while I withstood the monologue, and kept telling myself "Like, that's gonna be an awesome blog, like, I kid you not!".
In fact, at some point we actually encouraged him with more questions, as we were actually starting to enjoy it! The sick minds of bloggers, Eh...
Can you imagine living with someone like that?!!!!!
SCREAM.............
# posted by : 7/22/2007 7:08 PM
: 7/22/2007 7:08 PM Try puttin' that on a T-Shirt!
Oh yah, so, like, do you guys, like, you know, like, actually buy any carpeting from him?
I sure hope we won't have to. Unless, like, that's the only place that has an awesome carpet and, like, we are all, like, Oh My God, that is so awesome, like, y'know.
We don't have Expo here in the south, the land of the two teeths. :)
"You don't believe what?"
"That your parents were Portuguese."
