Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Sentence of the Year 2007
The JohnnyB and I were having one of those conversations this evening, and it became quite profound and deep, dare I say on the verge of philosophical.
Bear in mind that when you have a true Minnesotan for a spouse, this kind of dialogue happens once in a blue moon. (And not just any blue, mind you; Manganese Blue!).
And due to that rarity, I was trying to get the most out of it.
At some point, I asked with sheer frustration, "So, I want to understand: why do you always have to be so damn logical???".
The JohnnyB replied, "because I don't like to lose control of my - - - "
" - - - emotions?", I interrupted (hey - I'm an Israeli. When we pledge allegiance, we make a solemn commitment to never ever let anyone finish a sentence!)
"No", he continued patiently, "I don't like to lose control of my state of mind", and - hesitating - he pondered, "Um... is that the same as emotions?"
And so, to y'all who wonder why so many of my paintings have women with this look in their eyes - I hereby rest my case.
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Labels: Art, ArtPact, Family, People, Profoundness, Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sentence of The Month: August
It's been a while since I last had a Sentence of The Month post.
Well, time flies. Plus, some sentences have to be censored, this not being an anonymous blog.
Anyway.
I am still nursing my Plantar Fasciitis, rolling my foot on a frozen water bottle (Ouch!), nibbling on anti inflammatory pills, sleeping with a splint, wearing sandals at home (Naot sandals, as the good doctor said, are the best!), putting on those butt-ugly elastic bandages whenever I leave the house (yes, with closed shoes, yes, in the heat of August). never felt so elegant in my life... But, y'know, it's actually working!
Anyhow.
The JohnnyB and I were driving back from San Francisco on Saturday (we went up there for the Women Impressionists exhibit at the Legion of Honor Museum, which we saw at a record time of less than 20 minutes due to the JohnnyB's deep interest in art... but that's another story). After a visit to the art store and a wonderful dinner at one of our very favorite restaurants (an Ethiopian heaven that has some amazing dishes, with Kitfo being our ultimate #1 choice), we were heading back home.
I was examining with sheer disgust my excess weight that seems to have accumulated since we came back from our British Columbia trip.
"We really need to exercise more", I said to The JohnnyB.
"Yup", he agreed.
"And we need to eat healthier", I added.
"Yup", he elaborated.
"And cook more at home", I pondered.
"Yup", he surprised me yet again.
"And have more veggies", I promised, awaiting the next 'Yup' in the series.
"And more shopping", he said.
???
"More shopping", he explained to the slow-witted, "You don't do enough shopping. You really should shop more".
!!!
Ah - the dream of every material girl: a husband who wants her to shop more. Sorry, y'all gals, he is taken!
Quick to realize his fatal slip of the tongue as he saw the glint in my eyes, the joy in my face and my blissful smile, The JohnnyB turned greenish-white and shrieked, "No... I meant grocery shopping.... No..... Nooooooooooo!!!".
But it was too late.
He wants me to shop more, and being the obedient wife that I am, so I shall.
Anything to make you happy, The JohnnyB!
Anything.
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Labels: It's All About Me, People, Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB, Wow
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sentence of The Month: January
...and sometimes, you should just not listen to your husband.
Remember I shared with y'all that The JohnnyB had some comments about the portrait I did at the Salminen workshop? That the forehead was protruding, and there was a bold spot on the left temple.
Well, it did not bother me.
It did not bother others who saw the painting.
In fact, I was soooooooo proud of the luminosity and pureness of the white shape; I was at awe that I have actually managed to maintain its virginity and not screw it (OK - minds out of the gutter, everyone! I am talking about a white shape, for heaven's sake!).
But last night, I decided to listen to The JohnnyB.
At 1am, I started to do some changes, intermittently using Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to lift some of the whites and a brush to paint around some of the white shapes in order to make them more approvable by the JohnnyB.
Big, MAJOR mistake. As once you go into a painting that is pretty good and at the stage it could be ruined, you need to seriously consider what you are about to do.
And, as I have learned more than once, if my gut feeling and The JohnnyB say contradicting things, well - my gut feeling is right. This is what I tell a lot of fellow artists, this is what we always tell each other.
And yet - I chose to hush my guts.
And I regret it, deeply, as that is what it looks like right now.
And I can only blame myslef. (which makes it all even more annoying!).
Y'see, while the magic eraser indeed lifts the color very efficiently, it is not a time machine. Nor is it Superman. Thus, it does not bring back the pure white of the paper. What it does is create a shape that has an opaque-ish residue of the paint. This can be a beautiful effect, but not when you want a glowing pure area. AND it bruises the surface a bit, so now you have a different texture that - when painted on - stands out.
I know, this is all very "Duh!". But don't be so smug - if you're a painter, you know very well that once you have a brush in your hand, your left brain shuts down and all logic and common sense take a backseat to the right brain that cheerfully rushes forward with a stupid grin.
The thing with watercolor is that you can never get back that pure white. If you want to have the white of the paper showing, you have to save, protect and guard it with your life. (Hmm.. maybe that's why I hardly ever have white in my work - with my style of painting, the chances of me leaving the white of the paper untouched are slimmer than a super model.
So now, with a partly erased eye, a scrubbed face and a lost glow, Salminen looks like he is about to cry. I almost did!
Went to bed, totally pissed (as the most annoying part is that I can only blame myself!!!), and in the morning informed WackieM that I am going to shove my head in the oven, as I have destroyed the painting. I also wrote why I did it.
She gave me some helpful advice about situations when you have a good painting that you think of changing, then comforted me with the it's-only-a-piece-of-paper mantra, and then provided me with the sentence of the month, as she wrote:
And that well-sharpened sarcasm is worth it all!
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Labels: Art, Sentence of The Month, Stating The Obvious, Venting, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sentence of The YEAR
T'was the day before Christmas Eve. TreatieL and WeldyL came over, bringing a fun guest with them: KnocksYourSocksOff, to whom - in the name of syllable rationing - we shall refer to as Knox.
We had a great meal at one of our favorite restaurants, Ginger Cafe, where TreatieL made sure the waiters there won't forget her (it's a habit of hers...), and came back to our house for a post-dinner hang out, or as The JohnnyB put it in his hospitable way: "Why are you following us into the house?".
There we sat and sipped a The JohnnyB home-brew, talked and laughed and chatted and laughed and laughed and laughed. A lot of tongue fencing was going on, with The JohnnyB excelling himself again and again, exchanging deadly jests with TreatieL and Knox. WeldyL and I chose to take the fifth, as we could see we stand no chance against them.
At some point, TreatieL spotted a pair of charcoal drawings I did 3 years ago as an exercise in a basic drawing class. To me, they are successful technical exercises, but she gasped with awe, "You did THOSE?". WeldyL (an incredible welding artist) and I started to complain about how no matter what breakthroughs you make or what major progress you do as an artist, some people will always tell you "Ah, I like the way you used to paint before much more".
As we were discussing this existential issue, Knox stood up and walked towards the kitchen. With starry eyes and all the sincerity in the world, he said:
"Hey, you know which painting is my favorite? I really like THIS one!".
Took The JohnnyB and I a while to recover from the fit of hysterical laughter. The JohnnyB's was hearty and joyous, while Mine was mixed with deep offense...
...'coz Knox, who stood there with an innocent expression on his face (maybe for the first time that evening), was pointing at a one of the framed watercolor paintings on the wall. A wonderful dark painting of an island, mostly in muted grays except for some golden yellow shapes that stood out. A great painting. Definitely a work of art. Only... it's a painting by an East German artist from the island of Rügen, that The JohnnyB's bought when he went with his mother to visit her birth-place in Germany.
So - of all the paintings in our house, Knox liked THAT one the most.
As in, a painting I did not paint.
Needless to say, the level of joy went high (way TOO high, if you ask me!), with Knox, whose face turned an intriguing hue of a deep rich red (Perylene Maroon comes to mind), trying to make up for his faux pas, saying "Ah.... this is even worse than 'I like the way you used to paint!' This is like, 'I like the way you used to paint when you did not even paint'".Yup.
Later, I mentioned my pottery period, when I was failing to do one decent pot, and my pottery teacher commented with sarcasm, "You know, Nava, it's so interesting that so many experienced potters take years of pottery and struggle to reach the freedom that you seem to have right away..." (meaning - I suck!).
Knox sat up full of piety and fury, and said "I so disagree with the fact that someone else had the nerve to tell you to stop doing art!!!".
"Yup", said The JohnnyB, "you'd rather tell her yourself!".
And so, for next year, I wish that one of MY paintings will be someone's favorite.
Or, I can simply take down all the non-Nava stuff...
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Labels: Art, Faux Pas, It's All About Me, Major Achievements, Ouch, People, Sentence of The Month
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sentence of The Month: December
The doorbell rang.
Looking through the window, I saw two teenaged girls at the door, assuming that tiresome we-want-your-money position.
I was in a bad mood. I didn't even open the door.
"Yes?", I said impatiently.
"Ah...", squeaked the one who was playing with her hair, "...we were wondering: did someone already knock on your door today and, with an annoying voice, already ask you to - - - "
I cut her in mid-sentence. I wasn't in the mood for pretense cutesiness; as a matter fact, I was in no mood for anything, so I pointed at the very strict "No Soliciting" sign that adorns our kitchen window.
Her eyes filled with question marks.
"We have a 'No Soliciting' sign - right here, see?", I combined pointing with close captioning.
"Huh?", she pondered, chewing on her hair.
"W-e . h-a-v-e . a . 'N-o . S-o-l-i-c-i-t-i-n-g' . s-i-g-n", I repeated, slower, giving her the benefit of the accent (mine).
"I thought that means 'No Smoking'?!", she shared her profound thoughts with me, still chewing.
So much for benefit... Plus, by now, I figured the two of them were finalists in the blank expression contest.
"No", I volunteered to educate the uninitiated, "it pretty much means do-not-knock-on-our-door-offering-us-something".
"Huh?", she started chewing on a new lock of hair, moving to a philosophical debate, "are you sure it does not mean 'No Smoking' in Spanish?".
(OK, a disclaimer here: I realize it could have been a wonderful opportunity for a highly amusing conversation. And yet - did I mention I was not in the mood?)
"I have no idea what it means in Spanish", I said, "but in English it means DO NOT KNOCK ON OUR DOOR OFFERING US ANYTHING!". Oh yeah, I can be a bitch.
Three interesting facts:
1. Not for a second did the talkative teenager stop chewing her hair. (alas, her friend had too short a hair to join her in the feast)
2. Only when I turned my back to them, I realized they were not only finalists, but very probably the winners of that expression contest. Why? 'cause they did not just go for a blank, empty expression. Oh no. They went way beyond it.
3. This charming conversation did not cheer me up as much as I thought it should.
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Labels: Languages, People, Profoundness, Sentence of The Month, Stating The Obvious, WTF?
Friday, September 28, 2007
Sentence of The Month: September
It's been a while since I posted one of those. Not that I don't hear pearls of wisdom all the time, but none of them made the cut, or I was too busy.
But today... Ah, today was different.
I attended a meeting in which representatives from several organizations. We each raised our own issues we wanted to share, and then came the turn of DiploK, the Vice President of an organization that has recently started to hire the services of a sign-language interpreter. They are the only art organization around here that offers this service, and it's a wonderful initiative, as it enables hearing-impaired people to enjoy the services that the organization offers.
Now, one of their members complained that it's too much money for the club to spend on such a thing. DiploK was asking our advice on addressing such issues. Some of us tried to suggest profound ways to handle this, while the rest were listening.
And then came the glorious moment that made waking up in time for that meeting worthwhile.
"So, do you have members who cannot hear?", asked one of the women in the room with a heavy NY accent.
"We have one deaf member", informed her DiploK.
"Just one? One member who cannot hear?!", crescendoed the woman.
"Yes. One so far. But we are hoping to have more, as - - - "
But DiploK's sentence was cut in its prime.
"So why don't you just use a microphone instead of all that mess???", asked the woman.
Silence fell on the room, except for one carefully-choked giggle (that would be yours truly). Everyone was suddenly showing an increasing amount of interest in the ceiling, the floor, the contents of their purse - whatever was closest. I was still working on choking that erupting giggle, making sure to not make eye-contact with anyone, to avoid the Giggle Loop. I did the only thing that would take my mind off and ensure a serious state of being: I sketched the cure-finder (she had a great face!)...
"Because", explained DiploK with all the patience in the world, "that one member is deaf. She is DEAF. She can not hear".
Y'know, in this stage, most people would simply revert to quiet embarrasment.
But not Mic-Woman.
Not her!!
"She cannot hear??", she proceeded with sheer astonishment. "Not even with a microphone???".
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Labels: People, Sentence of The Month, WTF?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sentence of The Month: June
We had the reception for the pomegranate show on Saturday, at the very fancy town hall of the extra-fancy nearby FancyTown-Hills.
It's an exhibition that our critique group has put together. I have my "Outcasts #2" painting in that show, framed in a dark mat, and looking quite impressive, if I might say so myself.
The reception was really successful and festive, with many people coming and going and commenting on the paintings and the unique theme. Most husbands came and bonded together, adorned with that familiar expression of reception boredom (yes, The JohnnyB was also there, wearing - in honor of the occasion - a very artsy red hand-dyed shirt he got on our vacation in Grenada, at the incredible Art Fabrik store there).
As the reception started, one of the visitors, a real nice woman, kept admiring my painting, and inquired me about my technique and the colors I used. Definitely an artist herself.BearGal, who has a lot of gallery experience, was standing next to us. Trying to help me make a sale, she informed her, "You know, this painting is for sale".
"Oh", said the woman, "Is it?".
"Yes", said the somewhat embarrassed artist who is still new to the show business (that would be me), "It is".
"Well then, how much are you selling it for?", wondered that woman.
Staying loyal to what was on the price list, I recruited a decent amount of confidence to my voice, and said: "$425".
"Well", she said, with similar confidence, "Good for you!!"
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Labels: Art, People, Sentence of The Month
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Sentence of The Month: May
After a great dinner, courtesy of the JohnnyB, we had a lengthy discussion about the difficulties that my beloved sister is having with a certain game-playing bitch (yup, amazingly enough, those exist even in the promised Land of Milk and Honey! Who'd have thunk!?).
We sat outside on the patio, watching the heat waves go by (it's been soooooooooooo damn hot here in the last couple of days!!), while our resident freaky carpenter bee keeps trying to become my new best friend.
After that, we washed the dishes, I vented a bit more, and then retired to my studio, my head still occupied with all the incredible insights The JohnnyB has provided.
I kept thinking how wonderful it is to have such conversations with him, and - with this in mind - I came out of my studio (anything, ANYTHING to postpone facing an empty new sheet of paper!), and stepped into the living room, where The JohnnyB was already watching 'The Sopranos'.
"Thank you", I said with genuine appreciation. "It is so sweet that you care so much! You really do care, don't you?"
"Of course I care!!", he said, all the kindness in the world in his benevolent eyes. "Uhm... care about what!?...."
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... never in the history of mankind has a man gained so many points - and then lost them all in a fraction of a second.
Curiosity killed the cat, and sheer honesty is killing any chances of The JohnnyB's to get credit.
Ever.
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Labels: Family, Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Saturday, April 21, 2007
(Another) Sentence of The Month: April
Got an wonderfully supportive Email this morning. The sender, one of the more unique people I got to know recently, wrote about being fraught with a certain emotion.
Fraught - a new word for me, and a very good one.
So, wanting to use it cleverly in my reply, I asked The JohnnyB about the noun from which this word stems.
"There is no noun", exclaimed the JohnnyB. "You just say 'fraught with fear'". (*)
"And you keep complaining that Hebrew is a weird language?!?", I reprimanded.
"Well", came the quick answer, "Y'see, WE do not have that many words for fear!!".
Eh . . .
(*) I know, it doesn't have to be fear. I do not account to The JohnnyB's English..
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Labels: Languages, Profoundness, Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Monday, April 02, 2007
Sentence of The Month: April
He checked with me that the Seder is indeed tonight, and I reprimanded him that even The JohnnyB is a better Jew than he is.
Why's that funny? 'cause The JohnnyB is anything but.
To which 'RIK responded immediately, without even blinking:
"I think that The JohnnyB must have been abandoned by his real, Jewish parents and set adrift down the Rochester River in a basket made of reeds...
And why's that funny? 'cause it's the traditional story of Moses, who was set adrift on the Nile river in a basket and found by Pharaoh's daughter.
Pfffffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrr, it sucks having to explain everything to y'all.
Anyway, 'RIK's version of The JohnnyB's origins is quite intriguing, and might shed a new light on the lack of birth certificate that the INS was so upset about, as reported here.
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Labels: Family, Holidays, Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sentence of The Month: January ('cause I didn't have one then)
"The man who can give himself a hug everyday, truly has the arms of a gibbon!"
As heard on the Catherine Tate show.
Seen it last night, and The JohnnyB could not stop laughing.
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Labels: Profoundness, Sentence of The Month
Friday, March 09, 2007
A Little Lunch For Thought (TM) #6
I sooooooooooo wanted to title this one "Sentence of The Month", but this title is already taken for March.
Got this intriguing question on a comment to one of my recent blogposts:
". . . How does JohnnyB handles the cherybs(*) of the world who look good enough to eat?"
(*) I assume the commenter is referring to the - apparently edible - CherkyB.
Mind you, upon seeing the word "cherybs", the spell-checker kept insisting on changing it to "cherub".
Goes with the character of that angelic blogger, Eh?
I am hereby opening this for a fascinating debate.
Let the field day commence.
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Labels: Food, Little Lunch for Thought, People, Sentence of The Month
Sunday, March 04, 2007
A potential Sentence of The Month: March
"How long would it take to get the new desktop to work, John"?
"Ah, an hour or so".
Yes, we are finally buying a new computer.
It took us a while to fully recover from the utter shock of getting a free almost-new laptop from Dell as a compensation for the one that got roasted.
Then we had to revive our faith in technology to believe that the third replacement monitor we got from Samsung (after the two times they sent us other screwed-up monitors) is really working fine.
And then we realized that, like, since we did not need to buy a new laptop nor had extra expenses on the monitor, we can purchase a new computer and replace our old one, that's recently been showing concerning signs of old age and forgetfulness, while reincarnating into a snail, speed-wise, stopping to ponder lengthily every now and then about the task it was requested to perform.
And so, last weekend, The JohnnyB has retreated into a serious one-on-one with the laptop, and came back from the other end, exclaiming, "OK, I chose our new computer".
He showing me the impressive Excel sheet (he made a fuckin' Excel sheet!) with the pros and cons of all the options, and in conclusion, informed his lovely wife that he's decided on an HP, although the Velocity computer has some real neat advantages, but costs $200 more.
Having been recently classified as "the long-suffering wife of JohnnyB", I did not argue.
Y'see, although I am merely a woman, I am learning my lessons and doing my homework. So, I mentioned - in my sweetest voice - that since the computer will be with is for years, I think it really is OK to go ahead pay the difference, especially when it's an amount that equals a couple of dinners. I then went to my studio, to leave The JohnnyB to make the decision on his own. (or at least think that is what's happening).
5 minutes later, he hollered that he got the Velocity one. See - it really is a win-win thing: if the computer is great,
I can also take part of the credit, as I pushed him towards it; whereas if it sucks - well, it was his decision, right?
What do I know about computers, being an artist and the owner of a pair of X chromosome in most of my cells?(Hmm... would have been more of a win-win if The JohnnyB wasn't reading my blog).
Now, the new toy should arrive in a week or two, and - as I am getting more and more involved with computer-related stuff that I do for our watercolor organization - it's kind important.
Hence the short dialogue above.
"And why is it a potential Sentence of The Month?", you ask?
Oh, C'mon... that is, like, the ultimate "Keilu, Duh!?", Eh? (*)
(*) This is a combined Hebrew-English phrase, which is used massively in the land of milk and honey, and means, "Like, Duh!?".
So, no copyrights for you, CherkyB, on this one!
Stay tuned for the arrival and installation of the new computer!
I foresee a wealth of blogposts, and a very frustrated me.
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Labels: Damn Technology, Sentence of The Month
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Sentence of The Month: February
"I am no longer a smoker.
.I have just smoked my last cigarette".
(-) The JohnnyB,
(-) February 11th, Sunday morning 9am Grenada Time (5am PST).
And the shameful response of his shameless lovely wife's?
"WHAT??
..and you didn't call me so I can take a picture???
..Go smoke another one, so I can document it".
Luckily, there was no other cigarette.
And I am still hanging my head in shame for letting the reporter in me get over the supportive loving wife.
There is no excuse for that...
Full report is here.
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Labels: Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Sentence of The Month: November
Sentence of the month:
(said to my very, very astonished ears 17 minutes before the month ends).
"So, when you refer to me, you can just call me JohnnyB.
You don't have to use 'The JohnnyB'".
Speechless.
Utterly speechless I am.
And so very touched.
Overwhelmed.
By the graciousness.
Forgive the staccato.
I am all choked.
Practically on the verge of tears of gratitude.
Alas, I am so torn apart.
Temptation calls and allures, but then again, I am so uncertain:
Can I really toss aside all formality, omitting the The, just like that?
Am I truly ready for such closeness?
For that level of familiarness?
Even intimacy, I dare say?
I mean, even CherkyB, as consumed as he might be by his peculiar fascination with the rear end of the subject of this contemptaion, does not allow himself to omit the 'The'.
And - who am I to do so?
Ah, the excruciating conflict!
Only a haiku can express my erupting emotions:
My cup has runneth over.
Need to clean the mess.
Labels: Sentence of The Month, Wonders of The JohnnyB
